Two Girls and a Fellowship
by Mercies Angel
Summary: Two girls come in and try to help, but may do more harm than good. Sometimes, it would be better if Middle Earth had restraining orders.
1. What in Heaven

Disclaimer: I don't own any of The Lord of the Rings' characters, nor do I own Terry Goodkind's magnificent Sword of Truth series; so don't sue me!

Author's note: ...NER-HER! This is a fic...and...I hope you enjoy...and review...yeah...reviewing's good.

The inserted characters are Jennifer, and Elizabeth. No, they aren't Mary-Sues. You know why? Unrequited love. Yes. You'll see if you read, don't wanna spoil anything, but this is all just a very...stalker-oriented fic.

And so it begins:

Jen's POV 

Disclaimer: Here's the naked truth. I don't own: Lord of the Rings, Sword of Truth series, or...anything else. I think I need to go buy something...

Author's note: ...NER-HER! Buwahahahahaha! A-hem. Let's start over. This is a fic...and...I hope you enjoy...and review...yeah...reviewing's good.

The inserted characters are Jennifer, and Elizabeth. No, they aren't Mary-Sues. You know why? Unrequited love. Yes. You'll see if you read, don't wanna spoil anything, but this is all just a very...stalker-oriented fic.

_And so it begins:_

**Jen's POV**

There I was, sitting on my bed, watching as a Chippendale covered himself with whipped cream all the while grinning cheekily.

I wish.

No, I was reading Faith of the Fallen, because I'm such a good little citizen. And I nearly jumped out of my skin as the phone beside me rang. At an enthralling part I was.

Okay, no more Yoda talk. Promise.

I barely answered with a "Hello?" before a very high-pitched voice shrieked into my ear.

"LET'S GO SEE LEGOLAS!"

Wonderful.

I knew precisely what Liz was talking about. Oh, it was all too foreboding.

I took a quick shower and tossed on some khaki cargos, a T-Shirt displaying, "I'm With Stupid," and directing an arrow towards me face.

Oh, that's fresh. Word. No, I'm joking. 'Teen fashion' isn't my cup of tea.

So, after much pleading for the keys to the family car (all I could afford was a gross, busted up car two words: Minimum. Wage. Damn. Okay. Three. No...Six...Damn...Eight. I'll shut up, then. ...Thirteen.), I succeeded, promising no damage to it and signing the damned contract that I would be held responsible should any harm come to it, yadda yadda yadda.

I threw on some sandals, waved my farewell, and drove the accursed movie theater for the, what, 20th time! No, that was an exaggeration. Only the 19th. Somewhere around there...

Didn't even find a parking-space and saw my insane friend's head of black hair bobbing up a down in line, anxious about the movie and her black eyes filled with happiness. Well, not the movie, but a certain character _in_ the movie.

Thank God she wasn't embarrassing herself, me, or anyone else within five feet with her normal attire of Legolas/Orlando Bloom paraphernalia.

Instead, she donned a deep green Mandarin mini-dress with ankle high, nine inch tall, black boots with fishnet stockings that stopped at the knee.

Brief Note To Self: If she is stopped for prostitution, I didn't know her.

We stalked into the movie theater, alert, ready for any surprise. And eerie calm filled the large room. It was quiet. Tooooo quiet.

Okay, so we just waltzed in and took the best seats considering we were the only living souls in the room.

Well, I wasn't so sure about the hot-dog in my lap. I swear, it moved. There it went again...

Okay, so, besides the hot-dog, Liz, and myself, there was no one. No. One.

And can you guess why?

Only every damned person within a 90-mile radius saw this movie at least once. That's right. It was Liz's near-constant presence that kept the move playing in the movie theater, dammit!

Okay, I'm calm.

So, the movie started and I began stating every line in the movie with precision, unbelievably bored and wishing for something more to do besides having a telepathic conversation with my would-be meal.

Don't look at me like I'm insane! Look at me like I'm dying of ennui! There, that's better.

I was close to falling asleep when an ear-shattering scream came from beside me. Liz began screaming and shrieking and I could almost make out "Oh God! He's so cute! Legolas, I love you!" escaping her ramblings.

The seat was at her mercy as she tore at it with those manicured nails of hers.

Yes, it was the first shot of him dismounting his horse. If I had been a rabid fan girl, I would have detected the otherwise invisible rays of hotness. Fan girls have a sixth sense for that sort of thing, I suppose.

Though I knew it will only go downhill from here, since his face popped up everywhere during the council. Damn him, the bane of my and my hot-dog's existence...I was dragged here twenty times just because of _HIM_!

**EVIL!** You cost me gasoline!

I must have still been drowsy, because I began to fell a pull. Must have been hallucinating. I _thought_ that soda tasted vaguely like dishwater. ...With..."Dawn, Ultra Power, now with Hallucinogens!"

I screamed, feeling shear panic tearing at me as I began floating. Holy-

I could distantly hear several profanities other than my own beside me. Good. At least I wasn't the only one hallucinating.

Then I closed my eyes and waited for the worst. A massive seizure, perhaps.

The worst happened. I hit the ground. Really, really hard. I got up with difficulty and a groan and looked around.

"What the hell?" No, that wasn't really me. That was Liz, who was staring at the ceiling in wonder, dazed.

A bed was in the corner. A body was in the bed. Not a dead body, mind you. Just...someone...

Whoever it was began screaming in a pitch that may have been even higher than Liz's, if that were possible.

It was someone who liked their privacy.

Guards with some mean looking swords ran into the room. Liz screamed, but not from fright. Oh, no. Not fright.

She had a strange glint in her eye. _That_ glint.

It was...a bit frightening, at such a ferocity never seen before while that elf flash on screen.

She was still screaming as she got up, shoved several guards across the other side of the room with inhuman, perhaps fan girl strength and ran across the room.

Though she only made it half way to her destination, when she collapsed of oxygen deprivation. I then saw her goal. It was none other than Legolas himself.

In a nightgown.

I burst out laughing, couldn't help it, really, though the hilarity was cut short when the other guards poised a sword near my neck.

Eep.

I looked up and saw Elrond rise from the bed and demanded, "Who are you? State your business."

I glanced at Liz who was grinning madly at Legolas, ...drooling...I believe...

Even with her hands behind her back and a sword at her neck, she practically undresses him with her eyes.

What in Heaven's name was going on?

What kind of nightgown Legolas is wearing is up to your own imagination.

It can either be those old fashioned nightgowns that Saruman looks to be wearing _all_ the time (He's chillin' in his jammies! Dat's tight, G! Still looks like a dress cough)

Or it could be one of those Victoria Secret nighties Eww…. It depends on how sick-minded you are. Oo

Please review. I really don't like flames, constructive criticism and words of advice are greatly appreciated.


	2. The Great and Powerful Aspirin

Disclaimer: As stated in the earlier chapter, I don't own diddly-squat. And don't forget it. Well, I kinda own Jen and Liz, but they don't really count.

Grrr…since I didn't get 5 reviews, I'll write this anyways. Be warned, however, for a curse has been cast on this * cough * wonderful * cough * fic (Gandalf's so nice to have WILLINGLY cast a spell ^-^). To those who do not review, you will be haunted by the evil kangaroo of wickedness. Muhahaha!

_And yet an another:_

**Liz's POV**

"AIIEEEEE!!" I screeched. "IT'S LEGOLAS! LEGOLAS! JEN, IT'S LEGOLAS!" I couldn't believe my eyes. Right in front of me, was Legolas. The fact that he was aiming at my head with his bow passed me for a few seconds, while I was staring at how, um, HOT he was. "Do you know her?" a husky voice next to him asked. "I've never seen her in my life," Legolas retorted. 'He spoke. HE SPOKE! WITH HIS SEXY ACCENT!' A couple other people barged in, but who cares! It was real, live, _sexy_ LEGOLAS! "I'll tell you who we are if you get your guards to let us go," Jen said behind me; anger and confusion in her voice. "We're not taking a chances."

"Fine, but you'll anger the, um, council of Sorceresses!" I heard Jenny. 'Yeah, that'll fool them' came my sarcastic thought. "There is no such council!" a booming voice called at the far end of the room. "Whoa! Gandalf!" I exclaimed. I didn't see any of the hobbits, or dwarves, but I saw Legolas!

*Okay, I've decided to let Jen do the talking at this time, considering Liz's thoughts are obviously centered.*

**Jen's POV**

I saw Gandalf merely glance towards Liz's direction before advancing once again. "Who are you?" came the same demand. "Okay, okay. We've, um, come for the Council of Rivendell, or whatever-it's-called, and to represent, uh, Washington! Yes, good ol' Washington!" (The state, not D.C.) "You are full of lies!" thundered Gandalf, waving his staff threatening. "What about, um, when you jumped off that tower onto the giant bird-thingy!" Gandalf paused. "Sarumon told you that! You are an agent of his will!"

"NO, no, I'm not! I swear!" as I began rambling, "And what about, uh, when Bilbo's all like 'My preeciousssssssssss" and you're all pissed and evil looking and you're all like 'Do not take me for a conjurer of cheap tricks! I'm not trying to rob you!' And that part in Bree when Aragorn grabbed Frodo and the Ring Wraiths and stuff! And Aragorn kissed your daughter mister Elrond! They were getting kinky. . ."

"How do you know that!" insisted a voice. Aragorn popped out of the shadows. I would have jumped, but the blade at my neck insisted. The hands that held my arms behind me tightened, causing me to wince and gasp in pain. "Let her go" he said. The guards released their death-hold on me and I hit the floor, again.

Aragorn knelt beside me and said, "You're either a master spy, or true to your word. By the ruckus and din you caused in this room, I don't believe you're as good a spy as we thought earlier. Tell me one thing. How do you know such things?"

"Um, well, I guess. . ." I wasn't going to tell him about the movie and books. "We just do!" I answered Gandalf raised a questioning eyebrow. I continued, "Yeah! We know stuff! Like the future, sort of."

"And will you tell us the future?" Aragorn questioned. "If you let my friend go." It was at that time that everyone (save the guards she smashed into the wall and Legolas, who had to deal with her mutterings and sudden out-bursts of the highest of her vocal range) noticed Liz. She was gazing straight at Legolas and didn't notice much else. "Release her," commanded Elrond. Legolas reluctantly lowered his bow and the guards loosened the grip.

That's when she pounced upon him. Legolas hardly had time to let out a small cry before she was sitting on top of him and screeching at the top of her lungs. I guess she passed out or something, because after 2 minutes to the guards trying to get her off and make her shut up, she went slack. "I'm terribly sorry," I apologized. "That's how we, um, show affection where we come from. She just likes him. A lot."

"Where do you come from? You're attire certainly eliminates you from any area's I've been to. And what are to call you?" questioned Aragorn. "I already told you. Washington. My name's Jennifer Hedman, but it sounds too boring and formal, so you could call me Jen. And she's Elizabeth DeMeo." Motioning towards my unconscious friend. "Washington?" queried Legolas, who had regained his compositor after the 'attack'. I wanted to hit myself. "Washington is a place. . .in a different world, sort of."

"And how do we know this is the truth you speak?" Legolas asked. {This guy's certainly full of questions}

"Um, I don't know, is there some sort of test?"

"You said you knew the past and future. Tell us of our past. We should know of our pasts as well as you claim to be."

"Uh, what do you want to know? You I don't know much about. You should ask Liz. She'd probably know what hour you where born in!" she said to Legolas.

Speak o' da devils. A moan came at the corner of the room. Liz sat up a mumbled, "Oww. . .What the. . ." I didn't even see when she got up, but I saw Legolas fall flat on his face with my hormonally challenged friends on his back, clasping on to him like a leech.

"Liz, got off of him," I asked politely, although knowing she wouldn't comply. She stuck her head up high and defiantly exclaimed (with her wonderful vocabulary) "Like hell I will!"

I got up and strode on over to her. "Ya know, you'll never see his face if you're on his back."

"I won't. . .?" she said in a small tone. She got off of his back and watched him turn over, gasping air. She only waited about 3 seconds until she pounced on him again. This time, he caught her in mid-jump {weird} and held her at arm's length. She started screaming and crying at the fact that she couldn't get a piece of his skin or clothing. I rummaged through her purse while Legolas was trying to find a way out of this predicament. I found. . .dramatic drum role. . .HER WALLET! No, I wasn't going to take her money. I grabbed one of the 50 print outs of the Elven prince from her collection and shoved it in her face. She relaxed, and grabbed the picture out of my hand.

Legolas dropped her (and not so gently {I don't blame him}) onto the floor. She just sat there, grinning like an idiot and stroking the picture. 'Too bad the theater wasn't packed with fan girls,' I though with a chuckle. 'It would have had hilarious results,' as I imaged over a hundred screaming girls smothering the poor, panicked, screaming elf. One of the guards looked over her shoulder and whistled a catcall. I raised an eyebrow, but mostly ignored him. I was busy with Elrond and Aragorn's distrust. "How does she have little paintings of me as an infant?" called Legolas. "Search me," I answered, shrugging and turning towards Elrond.

"Look, we have no weapons, we don't know how to use weapons, and if we did, why would we want to kill you?" which seemed more like a statement rather than a question. Elrond answered anyways. "Because everyone's jealous of my wonderful magnificent, spectacular, and terrific city, town, area, and/or kingdom," he said as a matter of factly. "Really? And I suppose your wonderful magnificent, spectacular, and terrific city, town, area, and/or kingdom is better than my father's? The largest forest in Middle-Earth?"

"Why don't you tell your father to cram th-" Elrond and Legolas began to fight (yes, yes, highly unlikely) in they're nightgowns. Aragorn was trying to say that Gondor was the best, but his voice was drowned out by the screams of Elrond as Legolas pulled on his hair. The rest of the crew (The four hobbits, Boromir, and Gimli) ran in to the room, weapons raised. The scene they saw was quite. . .interesting. . . Elrond and Legolas were at each other's throats, er, hair; with Aragorn desperately trying to achieve respect for Gondor. The guards were arguing about who was hottest; Aragorn or Legolas. Liz was just sitting in the corner, staring at the picture in her hand. I was standing near the wall, hoping not to get trampled and Gandalf was trying to calm everyone down.

After about 15 minutes of the hobbits crying and upset that everyone was yelling and screaming, Gimli claiming that Elves suck and that neither Mirkwood or Rivendell was the greatest, and Boromir screaming that "Gondor rocks!", I was beginning to feel a migraine coming on. 5 minutes later, and my head was pounding beyond belief. I screamed; higher than everyone's racket in the room. I was out of breath by the time I was finished, and everyone was frozen in their original position as I began screaming. I walked over to the guards and ordered them to get back to God forsaken posts and to give all 49 of Liz's pictures back to her, which they did hastily.

Moving on, I strode over to Legolas and Elrond. Elrond had two fistfuls of Legolas' golden locks, and Legolas had two handfuls and a mouthful of Elrond's hair. I ripped Elrond's hair out of Legolas' mouth and said, "On the count to three, you both let go."

They began counting, "One. . .two. . .three. . ." By three, they still had handfuls of hair. "You didn't let go, jerk," they each said to each other. I was tired of this, and walked over with a knife I. . .uh. . . "Borrowed" from one of the guards; yeah, borrowed. "You two either let go of each other's hair and shut up, or I cut each of your hair out of your hands," I whispered threatingly. They must have loved their hair, because they let go and ran to other side of the room. "Aragorn, you either keep quite, or I'll shove you into a bathtub."

"Oh, by Elbereth! Not that! I beg of you!" {I'm sorry, I just had to put that in here =_=} 

"Okay, then. Is everyone finished being annoying, rude, and loud?" Several mumbles and an "Eep" was all I needed. "Alrighty, then. Does anyone have any aspirin?" In the corner, Liz began jabbering gibberish. I walked over and ripped the picture from her hands. "What was that?" I queried angrily. "There's some in my purse!" she said, groping for the picture. "Thank you," came my reply as I handed the picture back to her. 

I took the aspirin, sat down on one of Elrond's chairs, and forcefully said to everyone, "I expect complete silence for the next (looks at bottle) 20 minutes. If you cannot handle that, go back to sleep." The hobbits, with their tear-stained faces, and Boromir, whispering "Gondor rocks! Gondor rocks!", walked out of the room. The rest cowered in the corner. I guess the aspirin made me drowsy or something, because I felt my eyelids close and sweet, sweet silence and darkness enveloped me. 

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ **

_Review or the kangaroo will haunt you! {That rhymes! ^-^ )_


	3. Insanity in the Other Dimensions

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Except maybe my imagination {Rainbow appears like in Spongebob}. I don't own Spongebob either ^ - ^

Yay! Thanks for the reviews! I feel so incompetent. I forgot to allow anonymous reviews, which are greatly appreciated. Sorry! And I'm also sorry that this chapter wasn't as great. I think my muse has stolen my beat up junk of a car and high-tailed it out of my house. It won't get far, however. The old clunker won't go as far as 50 miles a day. Maybe I'll put its face on some milk cartons.

_Once again, a chapter:_

**Liz's POV**

"Yo! Hey, Jen! Wake up!" I said, shaking her. "Leave me alone, Mom. School's not goin' nowhere." she replied, trying to swat way my hands. "Come on!" I urged, "The councils starting! It's really cool! Like in the movie!" Jen's eyes snapped open. "Are you serious! This is going to be awesome!" she exclaimed as she got up.

5 minutes later (and after much wandering to find the place the council was at)

"Shh. . ." Jen said, placing a finger to her lips, indicating silence. We were trying to sneak in and eavesdrop. Elrond (who had a black eye and split ends as a result of the fight with Legolas) had just said someone had to take the ring to Mordor and Boromir was beginning to argue with the statement, which was good, because it drowned out the rustlings of our moment behind Elrond's chair. I think Glorfindel spotted us, but shifted his gaze as Legolas began his "The ring must be destroyed" speech. I think I heard a sarcastic "No, really?" come from my friend.

"Oh, my God! Look! He's talking! Wow! He's so –mmph!" she said, just as Jen covered her mouth with her hand. "Shut up," she whispered. She dared to go closer. Everyone began to fight, and I saw that Frodo trying to make himself heard and that, with all the hobbit courage he could muster, he would take the ring to Mordor and chuck it into flame. Everyone's giving something {Their sword, bow, ax, whatever} and I whispered over to Elrond who was just trying to proclaim them "The Fellowship". 

"Psst, Elrond." He looked around {he's so stupid} not seeing anyone. "Psst, Elrond! This is your conscience. Allow the two beautiful, gorgeous, intelligent, and wonderful new girls to come along."

"What are you doing?!" Jen hissed. "Come on, it'll be fun!" I replied. "Getting killed will be fun?!" she said in a raised voice. "Ahem!" announced Gandalf. We both looked at him with the most innocent eyes possible. "And you have our company!" I said, inducting my friend and I into the Fellowship.

"What?" replied Elrond, Gandalf, and Jenny. "You know, we'll keep you company." I said as cheerily as I could manage. "Besides, we'll just follow you anyways!" Everyone glanced at each other, not sure of what to do. "We know the future," she said in a mock frightening tone. Jen butt in this time, "Telling the future may affect the future, and everyone will DIE!! Haven't you been paying attention to Mrs. McFalen and her Quantum Physics class lectures?"

"They will not," I said. "It might help. And I don't think Boromir wants to die, would YOU want to die?" I asked. "No, but-"

"Good, that's what I thought. Now, we are coming." 

"Who said I was going to die. . ." asked Boromir, obviously worried.

"_We_ are not coming. I'm happy staying here. Leave the plural pronouns and me out of this adventure. There are orcs and goblins and cave trolls and freak goblin-orcs out there!" she said, her temper obviously rising. "And we don't have weapons, or clothes other than the ones on our backs!"

"I'll solve the first problem!" I said heroically, my chest puffed out in pride. I ran over to Legolas, grabbed his knives from their sheathes and said, "Thanks, hottie." And ran back over to Jen, shoving one of the knives' hilt into her hand. "Presto! Weapon problem solved! And they're easy to use. Just stab stuff!" she exclaimed, showing off her "impressive swordsmanship". She looked like a Musketeer, with one hand in the air and the other jabbing the air with the knife. Her excited mood was splintered when Legolas walked over and grabbed his knives back, noticeably irritated.

"Look," Jen said, "I'm not sure if we, if not I, should go with God forsaken Fellowship." She turned to Gandalf. "If you'll please allow me Shadowfax and the place where you learned that 'flame will tell' the markings on the ring and I will be greatly obliged. At least I would like to get out of this madhouse and HOME!!"

Gandalf looked flabbergasted, apparently wondering how she knew about the horse and the 'flame will tell' locution. He quickly dismissed it and called out to the other Fellowship. "We leave in the morning. Two hours after dawn. Be ready and don't pack too heavily." The Fellowship dispersed, most likely to pack, and, in the hobbits' case, to eat. Gandalf remained. "You may find the way home on the quest."

"Like hell we will! We'll only get stabbed, slashed, maimed, beaten, and/or killed! Maybe you could take Liz, she's eager to get mutilated. I'd like to stay intact and have all of my limbs, thank you. Draw me a map, or something, I'm going to read the scrolls and prophecies and all that mumbo-jumbo."

"Why are you always the book worm, Jen? Have some fun! You might even catch the eye of a brave "knight in shining armor," hinted Liz. Jen stared angrily at Liz, and realized something. "Wait, I remember now. Half of the mumbo-jumbo is in Elvish! CURSE THE ELVES!!!" screamed Jen, letting lose her anger and frustration.

All of the Elves (Elrond, Arwen, Legolas, Glorfindel, the anonymous Elves, and all of the servants in Rivendell) gave Jenny some serious death-glares, and Gimli exclaimed, "At least one person believes me. "Um. . .I WAS JUST KIDDING EVERYBODY!! HA HA!" she said apologetically, Gimli's ego withering. 

  


"Why can't I just stay here and be safe?" Jen whined. "I'm not forcing you to come with us, I'm asking if you'd like to go home," insisted Gandalf. "This has got to be a dream. This is a dream. Kill me, Gandalf. Then I will wake up," she said in a dramatic tone.

"I'm not going to kill you."

"Well, you certainly have a death wish against me, considering that you wish for me to go with you."

"I'm only signifying that you may find a way to your home on our journey."

"We lived in a totally different world! In a different time, so to speak."

"Hmmm. . ." Gandalf said thoughtfully. 

"We're just stuck here, Liz. For the rest of our lives. . ."

"What's wrong with that?" I interjected. "I mean, this place isn't half bad."

"Don't you miss your mom and dad? I do. And I miss Sir Meowsalot. {Her cat}"

"Well, it's like moving out. For a long, long time. Take it easy; don't give yourself an ulcer."

"Don't blame me, _you_ wanted to see the movie! Wanted to see the God forsaken ELF!! Do you have enough of him now?!"

"Hey, don't have to get up on _my_ case!"

There was some silence between us, only the sharp scowls throw towards each other, and Gandalf felt quite left out. During that silence, I heard Jen's stomach growl. Then my own. I realized we haven't eaten in eight hours. "We're hungry," we said in unison to Gandalf. The tension was lifted, and we began to laugh our heads off, while Gandalf led us to the dining hall, muttering about insanity in other dimensions.

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Tell me how you think! Like I said, I was kind of stumped for this chapter, so bear with me!


	4. Peace, Justice, and the American Flag

Disclaimer: Man, these are annoying. Anyway, I'm sad to say that I don't own a single noun in this story. Too bad.

Anyway, I think the same things go. Gandalf continues to conjure curses while I provide him with all of the tacos he can handle. {Thank goodness for Taco Bell} If you don't review, Gandalf will cast his taco enchantment on you and the kangaroo will have to get off of his lazy, taco-eating butt and hunt you down. Please review. The wizard and creature are getting taco crumbs all over my couch. =_=

_*Sigh* Yet another: _

**Jen's POV**

When Gandalf opened the dinning room doors, the hobbits stopped eating and lifted their heads in curiosity at the new arrivals to the dining crew. It didn't last long, for when they saw no possible treat, they continued shoving their faces again. Gandalf claimed he was not hungry, and merely sat and watched, asking questions here and there. There was some great food there, but mostly dairy. I was lactose-intolerant. So I had only sampled a "sandwich", a slice of deer {Poor deer} between a split biscuit. I noticed Liz eating some sort of custard that looked delicious. "Yo, does that have-" She cut me off, "Do I look like the cook? You asked me that same question for every item of food I've eaten. Ask one of the servants!"

"Excuse me," I said, motioning towards one of the servants. "Yes?"

"Does this contain any lac -" Liz butted in, "milk."

"Why, yes," she answered, "Goat milk, lime juice, and some sugar cane."

"Thank you," I answered, grimacing a bit as Liz gagged from the mentioning of goat milk. 'That's one more item off the menu,' I thought. "Do you know what doesn't have any milk?" I questioned. "Well. . .there's rice and noodles and some of that duck over there," she began listing off dishes on the table, and I made mental notes.

"Okay, thank you," I called out as she hurried to some of her tasks. "You two should really eat more," piped Merry, "did you not eat enough at your home?" He was right. Both Liz and I were a bit thin compared to some of the other girls at our school. We were both on the soccer team; Liz signed up, while my dad signed me up. He wanted to make a son out of his daughter; tried to make me a tomboy. I'm the _brains_. Liz is the _brawn_. Well, she's just good at soccer. I don't know how strong she is. But I'm still the brains. 

  


I ate a bit more, ignoring Gandalf until he finally took a hint and went away. We chatted with the hobbits a bit more, since they were the only ones who weren't judgmental, then left the dining room to venture the Elf haven. After wandering about Rivendell and chatting about the things that weren't in Middle-Earth {Videos, games, video games, popcorn, etc.}, we began to notice that the Elves were giving us funny glances. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Where are we going to get some. . .uh. . . "normal" clothes. Capri pants and tank tops weren't exactly "in style" here. Ponchos and tunics were. First I though about jumping one of these Elves and taking their clothes, but we might get in trouble. We could raid Elrond's dresser, but his clothes were too big and we didn't even know where we were (or Elrond's room was). 

My thoughts were interrupted when I heard Liz scream. My body tensed and adrenaline began pumping, ready for orcs or trolls or evil stuff that maims, kills, burns and/or destroys. All I saw were two Elves talking gibberish, or maybe Elvish, about 50 yards away. I saw Liz halfway there, sprinting like a jackrabbit, and I know one thing. Straining my eyes (she must have some sort of sixth sense or something), I saw that it was Legolas talking with some Elf, probably to send a message to his father to tell him not to expect him home for dinner. I saw Legolas take out a knife a ready himself for the attack, but Liz was already upon him. Liz was sitting on top of Legolas, trying to rip off his poncho for her personal collection, with the messenger trying to save his prince. Just as the messenger whipped out his bow, I tackled him. Not very hard, because he only wavered and watched me fall to the ground. 

"Wait! Don't shoot her!" I cried out, trying to save my friend from becoming skewered. He wavered a bit, but aimed his arrow and fired. My first thought was actually a vision. A vision of me telling Liz's parents "She got shot by an Elf. She was trying to rip off some guy's clothes and was shot by an arrow." 

Fortunately, she was thrashing about so wildly trying to get Legolas' robe off, that the arrow missed her; by a mile, actually. The arrow ripped through Legolas' poncho, causing Liz to fall backwards. I was furious with the messenger. And Liz. "LIZ!" I screamed, "Want are you doing?! You could've gotten yourself killed" My scolding didn't have any affect; she just sat on the ground, a rapturous look on her face while stroking the piece of cloth. Legolas rose and grabbed his knife again, putting it near Liz's throat. "The following time you attack me, I _will_ kill you," he hissed, rightfully fuming after all of the attacks towards him. Liz looked terrified, but she still seemed happy that he was that close to her. He pulled the knife away and turned to leave, pulling of the remainder of his robe and motioning towards the messenger to follow him. 

"See! You nearly got yourself killed _twice_ today. **Twice.** Imagine if you actually _went_ on the dumb quest. You'd be dead before you took three steps."

"I'm not totally helpless. I got this." She replied, holding up the piece of cloth she had been stroking for the past two minutes. "Besides, who said we weren't going on the 'dumb quest'? We just might follow them."

  


"You have completely lost your mind, haven't you?! First of all, neither of us have had any battle experience, nor do we know how to handle a weapon. Should we see an orc or a troll or a balrog or that freak of nature that skewered Boromir {Yes, I believe his name is Lurtz}; we'd get our heads chopped off, limbs thrown aside, hearts punctured, livers eaten, and whatever else evil creatures and wizards of darkness do to their captives. Second of all, you have some pronoun trouble. I am not going on the journey," I raved, hoping to put some sense into my strong-headed friend.

"That's why the warriors have the weapons. Aragorn can kick some serious orc and Ring Wraith butt. And *sigh* my love can kick some serious cave troll butt."

"Your 'love' just promised to kill for your outrageous behavior. You have got to stay sane enough to continue living. He doesn't look like a guy who bluffs for the sake of it."

"What's wrong with going on the magical quest?" she asked with a flourish of her ballet. "It isn't that great. None of this is in the movie. By coming here, we may have set a time rift causing total chaos. Thanks to us, well, mainly you, good may not prevail! Sauron and his evil forces may be victorious and everyone will be enslaved forever." I finished with a deep sigh, realizing that fate does not always come in favor of good will.

"That's why we're going," Liz exclaimed triumphantly, though not accomplishing anything. "You seriously have some pronoun troubles," I retorted. "You can go if you'd like, but I'm not going."

"And what will _you_ do?" she questioned, becoming an annoyance. I opened my mouth several times before answering, "I'll _live_"

"You can 'live' all you want, but I'm going to pass the time. I'm not going to join the Fellowship, pursay; I'm going to make sure they 'live' too. *fake sob* Even if it means giving up my love's companionship."

"What are you saying?" I dared to ask. "We will draw the route for them. Make sure Gandalf and Boromir don't die, and guide them on a swift journey to the triumph of peace and justice, and the good of all man-, elf-, dwarf-, and hobbit-kind" she answered, standing proudly. If this were television, she'd have an American flag waving behind her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

_Words of advice and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated._


	5. A Tad of Kleptomania and Unwanted Advanc...

Disclaimer: I ain't own no nutin'. In proper English, that would be: I don't own anything. And it's true. So please don't sue.

~Review. Please. I don't care if you didn't like it, but please review. And if you didn't like it, please tell me why. I will forever be indebted to thee. Thank you.~

_Once again, I have a chapter for all of you readers to enjoy:_

**Liz's POV**

"Psst, Elrond" I whispered. He was walking in one of his orchards, but he stopped when we started calling him; which happened to be five minutes ago. He was still looking around, trying to find the source of the noises. He was _really_ stupid! "Elrond!" I heard Jen announce loudly, losing her patience. He turned around to find Jen and I, staring at him with puppy-dog eyes. "Get us some clothes. Pretty please with cherries on top?" He seemed confused, obviously showing no relation to the modern phrase. "If you wish for some skirts and dresses, the seamstress would be happy to accommodate you ladies."

"We don't want 'dresses'. We want what, um, Aragorn is wearing. Sort of, but not really," I responded, hoping to win this argument that hasn't begun. "You wish to see the haberdasher?" Elrond's confusion rising. I was at a loss. "Yes, if you'd please show us the way," Jen put in. "But a lady is to be dressed in lady's attire." Jen sighed, "We are going on a quest. We do not wish to be trudging in the mud with dresses."

"I do not wish quarrel, but you ladies should wear-"

"Are you going to give us clothes or not?" Jen asked angrily. "Yes, but-"

"Thank you!" we called, already 50 feet away from him. "But, but. . ." Elrond continued, trying to win the squabble; although deciding against it and continuing his stroll.

**~ * * * * * * * ~**

"That didn't work. What now, genius?" I asked Jen. "Well, I hoped it wouldn't come to this, but…" she trailed off looking for the quarters of the soon to be heroes of Middle-Earth. She saw Merry exit one of the rooms and whispered, "Okay, all we need to do is get some clothes from one of these guys."

"Isn't that stealing? And besides, hobbit clothes won't fit!" I answered, a bit confused. "No, we find clothes from someone taller, like Boromir. And we're not 'stealing', we're borrowing without asking. If it so happens that we fail to return them, it not on purpose. Plus, Elrond _said_ that we could have clothes," she explained. She began randomly picking a room, hoping it would not be a hobbit's or Aragorn's {Again with the hygiene =_=}. Jen opened the door a bit to peek in and conclude that the coast was clear. She motioned to me and began rummaging through the dresser. "Oh my God! They actually have underwear in Middle-Earth!" Jen exclaimed, holding up a pair of boxers-like clothing. "Of course! What do you think they wore?"

  


"Nothing. I though they went around in commando, or something."

I sighed and continued to find something that might fit. We finally found some clothes that might actually fit. "Now all we need are boots," I heard Jen mutter to herself while fumbling through what looked like a closet. "Aha!" she cried in triumph, scaring the heck out of me. She was holding up two pairs of boots. "They don't fit," said after trying them on. "We'll worry about that later," she responded, rolling the bundle of cloth around the boots, trying to conceal them. "Why don't we wear the clothes and stuff we're wearing now?" I dared to ask. "Pumps and flip-flops aren't made for walking and hiking. And we don't want to attract attention to ourselves." 

"Uh huh." Thinking she may be getting to caught up in this. "Come on, before whoever resides in this room returns," she said, placing the bundle under her arm. We exited the room and ran to hide the bundles in our own lodging. After I left the package of garments in my room, I bumped straight into Gandalf. "Here you two are! I've been looking everywhere for you two. The dinner is about to start. Where were you?"

"Um. . .ah, we were-"

"Taking a nap," Jen explained. "Yeah," I put in nervously, "we were taking a nap. No theft involved at all! No sir."

Jen closed her eyes and placed a hand over her face while Gandalf raised a questioning eyebrow at us. "Well, hurry up. The dinner is about to begin." He said as he walked away. "Real smooth, slick," Jen exclaimed sarcastically, elbowing me. We hurried to the dining hall to find everyone waiting to be served.

"You sit next to Gimli."

"No, you sit next to Gimli."

This whispered argument continued until the food was served, then Jen sat next to Gimli (Legolas looked like he was smirking at the fact that no one wanted to sit next to the dwarf [he was still hot *sigh*]) and I sat next Gandalf.

**Jen's POV** {this is only temporary, but I though it would be funnier if this piece was in Jen's POV} 

Great. I had to sit next to Mr. Helmet Hair. And it smells like he hasn't bathed in two months.

"What issue brings such a fair maiden to Rivendell? Certainly not the One Ring can bring a beautiful angel down from Heaven above," Gimli whispered in my ear. I felt a hand on my knee, and it sure as heck wasn't mine. I took my water glass and dumped the entire thing onto his head. He looked like a wet mongoose. I heard some of the Elves snicker, but the rest just stared, puzzled at the scene before them.

  


"Feisty. Me likes feisty women," Gimli responded. Ugh. "Switch seats?" I asked Liz with a pleading gaze. "Fine," came the exasperated reply.

**Liz's POV**

"May I sit there?" Gimli asked. Since when has this become Musical Chairs? "Fine." I was getting tired of this. Miscellaneous Elf #2 now sat to my right. "I know what it's like to not be loved," he said. What was he taking about? "I know what it's like to be loved. _I_ have a soul mate," I replied. "Really? Who?" he asked, seemingly disappointed. "Legolas," I answered with a dreamy tone. Legolas began choking violently on whatever he was eating (probably overjoyed that I share the same feelings). Glorfindel, who had been sitting next to him, starting pounding on his back. "He must have caught sight of such a lovely lady," I heard Gimli say to Jen. Now Jen was choking. Now two people were choking and havoc was spreading. Jen recovered faster, and began sputtering, "What? But who. . . And I. . ." She was obviously confused that the dwarf managed to sit next to her _again_. "That's it, I'm full!" she said as she stormed off to her quarters. I was torn between two people: my love, Legolas (don't think anything else =_=); and my friend, Jen. Well, Legolas was sprawled on the table, unconscious with color returning to his *cough*beautiful*cough* face. I decided to bring some more food to her, since she left with eating hardly anything.

I knocked on the door. It cracked a bit, but opened all the way when Jen saw that it wasn't the dwarf. "Hi, is the dwarf following?" she asked. "I don't think so."

"What's that?" she asked pointing to the folded napkin in my hand. "Food," I answered simply. "Good, 'cause I'm starving." I handed her the food as she let me in. She sat at the small desks in her room. "So what are we going to do tomorrow? Do we follow the Fellowship or what?"

"Nah, that'd be a waste of energy," she said, but was interrupted by a knock at the door. She opened the door. "Greetings, my lov-" was all that came out before she slammed the door on his face. "Go away, you freaky little gnome!!" she yelled. "But, love, I know you must feel the same way, for a dwarf as handsome as myself-"

"Ha!" she said, interrupting him, "not if you where the last creature in Middle Earth, now leave alone before I call one of the guards!"

"Not to worry, love, for you will accept your love for me in due time," he replied, he voice disappearing along with his footsteps. "Looks like you've got an admirer," I noted from the corner of the room, a smirk on my face. "At least I don't go around chasing Elves," she retorted. "We're soul mates. _Soul mates!"_

"Whatever you say. . ." she said, beginning to eat again. "So, what are we gonna do tomorrow?"

"Um, I think we should go straight to the mines of Moria. We should avoid contact with the Fellowship as much as possible, because it might affect the future."

  


"Yeah, yeah. Quantum physics. But how am I to marry Legolas if we aren't allowed to have social contact!" I whined. "Hello? Legolas is a _prince_. I'm sure he has tons of fans at home, _and_ a betrothed that was arranged 1,000 years before he was born!"

"But we're soul mates! Fate _must_ allow each other to be together _forever_."

"Yeah, okay, but until that day, we must not tamper with the delicate quantum strings that hold the future in place. The entire Middle-Earth depends on us. And the Fellowship, that's why they're going on the quest in the first place; but they don't count much."

"Then why are we going anyway?" I asked. Jen began choking for the second time that night. "You were the one who suggested this in the first place! To help the Fellowship out! To clear the way for them! To make sure that they chuck the ring into lava and save the world! I didn't read the rest of the books, but all I know is that evil fails and good prevails. We're just going make sure that good prevails faster."

* * * * * * * 

_Little did the girls know that "helping the Fellowship" caused the fail of good and Sauron prevailed. Everyone then was enslaved and lived poor, miserable lives forever. _

_~Just kidding._

Okay, if you're wondering why I continue to claim that Elrond is sooo stupid, it's a little joke I amuse myself with whenever I watch the movie. When talking to Gandalf in Rivendell, he states that he was there on that fateful day when the ring was cut off from its master. "It should have ended that day" when the ring failed to be destroyed. I wouldn't have let Isildur just walk away with the ring. Nooo. I'd kill the arrogant little human and shove both him and the ring into the fiery depths. But that's just me.

_As always, please review. Thanks! _


	6. Kissing Orcs and Lucky Quarters

Disclaimer: I think you get the idea. I don't own, you accursed lawyers don't sue, and I get to keep my money, dignity, and tale.

_Another? Sheesh:_

**Jen's POV**

"Farewell, my love. But fear not, for destiny will allow our true love to flourish." Some voice was talking to me, but I hardly knew what they were talking about. "Lemme alone, Mom. School's not goin' anywhere," I replied groggily. It was when the dwarf bent down to kiss me (Eew…) that I realized who I was talking to. He was about one inch away from contact when I shoved him away with my hand. I guess I had some car-lifting, baby-saving adrenaline pumping, because he slid across the floor until he hit the opposite wall. "YOU PERVERT!!!" I screamed. Apparently half of the Fellowship was waiting for him, because Boromir, Aragorn, Sam, and Merry barged into the room. "I advised him against it, I really did," Aragorn notified Boromir. "YOU JUST LET HIM IN HERE!!! IN _MY_ ROOM!!!" I was furious. First at Gimli for trying something, then at Aragorn for allowing him to come in here in the first place. Liz was alerted from my screams and yells and she ran into my room. She didn't know what happened, but could tell I was upset. I walked out of the room and dragged Liz with me, who was still confused. As I walked out, I noticed another detail that enraged me. "And who jimmied the lock!?" I growled. Everyone pointed to Sam, who was pointing to Merry. I let lose a large array of scowls while walking out the door. "Come now, Master Dwarf. On your feet," I heard as I walked out.

* * * * * * * *

Liz was laughing her head off after I told her the story of this morning's wake-up call. She finally calmed down long enough to sit up and actually breathe. Tears were still streaming, but at least she could talk. "Told ya he liked you," she commented, still giggling. "Thank you for that conclusion, Sherlock. How will you unravel the mystery?" I replied sarcastically. Liz went to the bathroom to freshen up while I waited a bit longer to assure myself that the perverted little freak was gone. After 10 minutes, I felt it was safe to go back into _my_ own room.

I took a quick bath and changed into my "regular" clothes (The setup I wore when I arrived in this mad house). I went back to Liz's room expecting her to out of the bathroom and dressed, but she was still in the bathroom. "Don't forget to dress in your regular clothes, Liz. Don't want to arouse suspition that we're going some where," I called out as I walked out of the room and to the dining hall.

I was already eating an omelet-looking thing when Liz walked in the room. 15 minutes had passed and I gave her a glare. She sat next to me, puzzled at my scowl. "What'd I do?" she asked innocently. "You took forever in the bathroom, that's what.

"Well, how else do I get so beautiful each day?" she replied, primping her hair to add affect. "Gee, of course. I should have though about that. After only an hour in the bathroom, too. How do you do it?" I asked, my voice dripping with cynicism. She glared at me while eating her muffin and egg. I found it hard to believe that Elves knew how to make eggs sunny-side up. Oh, well. It was good, and I wasn't about to complain.

After breakfast, we went in search of Elrond. It was time for his daily annoyance intake; complimentary us. When we found him, he was reading in a library-like place. It was in Elvish, so reading over his shoulder was out of the question. I decided to wait and see how long it took for him to notice our presence. Five minutes passed, and Liz was confused (it's not like she can read minds) and wasn't informed of the "game" I was playing. "So, where's the Fellowship?" she asked. Elrond jumped and gave a slight yelp. "What are you two doing here?" he asked, clutching his chest. I shrugged, "What are _you_ doing here?"

"Um. . . reading," he answered, forgetting the question he just asked. "Well? Where is the Fellowship?" Liz asked, repeating herself. "They left about two hours ago," he replied glancing towards the book he was reading, seeming wondering if he would ever get to read it again. "Two hours? Jen, two hours! We'll never catch –" she shut her mouth as I gave her my best shut-your-big mouth-before-you-spill the beans glare (yes, I have several glares). Elrond eyed us with a quizzical look. "Heh heh, yes, well, we'd better be on our way. See ya, Elrond," I said, trying to cover up Liz's slip-up. I made for the door, hauling Liz behind me.

After exiting and walking even farther, I made sure there where no Elves in sight. "What are you doing? You nearly gave our plan away!" I hissed. "They left _two hours_ ago!" she replied. "They could have left two _days_ ago for all it matters. We aren't going to follow in their footsteps. We're going straight to Moria. We have plenty of time. I think we should leave tonight. Hardly anyone will know we're gone until the morning! Not like they'll care. I think you should start packing now. I'll try to find some weapons, maps and packs."

"Fine. Ciao!" she said, showing off her "impressive" Italian, while walking towards her room.

* * * * * * *

After asking Elrond for weapons and packs, I met with Liz back at her room. "How much did you pack?" I asked, a bit worried that she packed enough for a small militia. "As much as could fit in my purse. I had only five bucks left after _someone_ forgot their wallet and _I_ had to pay for the tickets, so I dumped my wallet out the window," she answered. I looked out the window and found her wallet in shreds. A few feet away was a squirrel eating her money and her calling card was all chewed up next to it. "Did you throw away the Aspirin?"

"Nope, still have it. Along with some shampoo, lotion, and soap. They have some nice samples in the bathroom," she said, pointing to the bathroom. "This isn't a hotel," I informed her. "I know. But it's not like I'm not going to bath just because we're going on a trip." She was impossible. "I doubt there will be any bath tubs laying in the wilderness," I responded. "Just in case," she added, raising her head like she was the queen of England. "Whatever. Here's a pack, and we need to get some food, and cloaks, so don't waste the space in shampoo," I said, tossing her a backpack-looking thing. "Off to the dining hall!" she said in a heroic tone.

* * * * * * * *

"My, you two are hungry today! Did you not eat enough at breakfast?" exclaimed one of the servants. "Nay, Maegheruien, we are just famished from the training we endured early this morn," I replied with a mock-Medieval tone (So I was humoring them, the American accent Liz and I both had didn't seem to make them like us more) "Training?" she inquired. "Aye, for the Lord Elrond is having us sent to Etiquette Lessons. Do you see an improvement?" 

"Of course, milady. I'm glad to see such a mannerly pair," she replied in a cheery tone, all suspicion diminishing as she walked off to her chores. "You're too weird," I heard Liz whisper beside me, shoving bread and fruit into her pack. Our packs were filled with bread and fruit when we felt that would be enough for the trip. "What about weapons?" Liz asked. "All we have to do is jump that guard over there and take his-" 

"Correction: How are we going to get weapons without stealing them," she cut in. "You always have to ruin the fun," I replied with a grin. "We can just ask Elrond," I suggested. When we went to the library he was in before, he was missing. "Figures," Liz said, exasperated. "Let's see what he was reading," I said shifting through the pile of books next to the chair he was in earlier. "Probably a Playboy, or something. All guys are the same. Accept . . .Legolas," she sighed. "You seem to know more about the Elf than he knows of himself," I said. "Aha!" I exclaimed in triumph. "How are we gonna read it? It's in Elvish," Liz noted. "I thought you knew Elvish. You downloaded a whole lesson of the Net!" I said, surprised. "Yeah, but I only know things like *'Auta miqula yrch' and **'Yee!' I didn't learn to read entire books in Elvish!" she answered. I let out an exasperated sigh. "Come on, I have an idea," I said taking the book with me. 

* * * * * * * * * 

"Why, this is a Book of Prophecies. Most of these foresights deal with the Fellowship. Some of the writings say something about Shadow and Flame, but these are in a dead language only similar to the Elvish I know. I can't even read half of it." 

"Thank you, Maegheruien, for we were pondering the script in this book was important. Elrond may need it, no?" 

"I suggest you bring it to Elrond right away. He may be looking for it at this very minute!" the Elven servant exclaimed. "Of course, and thank you, again!" I called out as we walked out of the banquet room. "And we had to walk that far why?" Liz asked. "I was thinking of maybe bringing this to Gandalf. You think the old cot knows about this?" I said, holding up the heavy book. 

"Who cares, we know what will happen in detail! That book is probably just a bunch of riddles that will take so long to decipher, that what we were trying to find out already happened!" Liz said, sounding agitated. "Yes, but you only know the _movie_ through-and-through; and only the parts with Legolas, I might add. I only know the movie and half of the next book. That isn't very far, considering there is so many things that happen in each book." 

"That's your fault! You should have finished the book!" 

"You think that my life revolves around Lord of the Rings? I should have not listened to you in the first place! Now, I have a pack full of food and a bundle of someone else's clothes hidden in my room!" 

"Calm down! What's your deal? We're just going to SAVE THE WORLD!" she said with a chivalrous voice. "Look, it isn't as easy as it looks in movies and sounds in books. It's seriously dangerous. I'm having second thoughts about going on this 'adventure'. I'll stay here and bug Elrond for the rest of my life," she said. "Come on! What's the worst that can happen?" Liz asked. "The worst? The worst is we get tortured to death to second worst is we drown. The third worst is we get crush in a cave in at Moria. The fourth worst is. . ." 

"Okay, okay. You're beginning to depress me now. What's the best thing that can happen?" Liz inquired, trying to brighten the mood. "The first best thing that can happen is we triumph and all of Middle-Earth is saved. The next best thing is that _we_ fail, but the Fellowship avenges our deaths and succeeds in vanquishing evil. The third best thing is the entire Fellowship fails, but we survive and crush evil. I think that the last is the most unlikely, since we don't even have weapons! Nor do we know how to use them!" I concluded my lecture. 

We finally spotted Elrond (or someone who looks like him) about 200 yards away. Liz and I began jogging towards the robed figure. When we reached him, we asked for some weapons or money to buy some. "Weapons? Why would you want weapons?" 

"Are there weapons, or not?" 

"Well, there is a weapon master's quarters some distance over there. Tell him I sent you." 

"Yeah, 'Excuse me, sir, but Lord Elrond sent us for some weapons.' You expect him to believe that?" I said with a sigh for dramatic matters. "He'd better, or he-" 

"Come with us, Elrond?" Liz asked with puppy dog eyes. "I guess I could, but-" 

"Yea!" Liz and I exclaimed happily. "Lead the way, Elly!" Liz cheerfully told Elrond. "I'll take you there if you never call me that again." 

"Understood, boss," she responded with a laugh and I joined her. Elrond gave us some very quizzical looks, most likely questioning our sanity, but kept to his word. He walked on with us laughing like mad behind him. Several Elves along the way gave the same looks Elrond gave us, but I believe they were wondering why their leader was walking two crazy people. In response to there questions, he just frowned that trademark frown of his. I could have cared less, because I trying too hard to keep my sides from splitting. I didn't know what was so funny, but Liz and I just couldn't stop laughing; like we were drunk, or something. 

We finally made it to a small building and Elrond was the first to enter with Liz and I wiping out tears and trailing him. I expected the inside to be musty and gross, but it wasn't half bad. It was well circulated and lit. The weapons master was really nice and offered to give them for free if I gave him my lucky quarter. I agreed, though reluctantly (I loved that quarter! *sniff*).

I found a sword, but I could hardly lift it, much less kill something with it. I tried a bow and arrow set, but I had terrible coordination and couldn't aim it nor could I pull the string taunt enough to give the arrow enough speed to travel two feet. I was about to give up when my eyes fell upon another sword. This one was _much_ lighter than the first, and felt like it belonged in my hands. And it was very pretty, with thin, silver vines encrusted onto the brown hilt.

I saw Liz look through the selection and spied a pair of short swords. They seemed much longer than daggers or knives, but were about seven inches shorter than my sword. They looked very sharp and had gold vines similar to mine on each black hilt. She seemed to have an eye for weapons, because she found her weapons without a second thought. She also began eyeing a small ax, which cost me my silver charm-bracelet. This was getting expensive. The wristlet I had just given had apparently been made well, because it paid for more than just ax. We each got a pair of gloves and several small daggers.

After the shopping spree, the shop owner wrapped the weapons in cloth and waved us away while he stupidly watched the shiny charms glitter in the light. We walked out and departed with Elrond. "Liz, when I say 'Now' you start running, okay?" I whispered in a barely audible voice, hoping Elrond's keen Elven ears wouldn't pick it up. I turned around, still walking backwards. "Yo! Elrond!" I yelled, getting his attention. "Can I have this book? Thanks, bye!" I said in a hurried tone, "Now!" I whispered to Liz. She heard me, and took off after me. I don't think Elrond cared and probably didn't know what we were talking about, because I didn't hear any following footsteps.

When I looked back, I didn't see Elrond at all. Only a teeny-tiny speck in the distance. Excellent.

It was almost sunset, so we dropped our stuff at our rooms and headed to the dining hall. We saw Maegheruien and chatted for a bit, but tried to remain as inconspicuous as possible. I hoped this would keep everyone's doubts and suspicions away from us. 

I left before Liz, who was still eating everything in sight. She was beginning to remind me of a hobbit. But, then, we hardly ate anything at lunch and stuff most of it into our packs. 

I opened the door to my room and lit some candles. I found a note on the bed. It was from Gandalf. 

~ * * ~ * * ~ * * ~ * * ~ * * ~ * * ~ * * ~ 

I didn't have much inspiration for this chapter, and I have no idea where to pick up from the note thing. This is beginning to turn away from my dream and go into more of a (dare I say it?) PLOT! Please review, though hardly anyone reads these author's notes, I'd greatly appreciate it.

_Elvish translations:_

Auta miqula yrch:

*Go kiss an orc!

Yee!: 

**Eek!


	7. Reverse Psychology

*Author's note: Gah! School! It has begun! Run; run while you still can! I'm sorry this chapter took so long to post up. I've been swamped with homework. And on the first week, too! Maybe I should join the circus. They don't require much education. The only thing I need to know is "Trapeze for Dummies: Second Edition". I've already completed the first edition. Only three more to go, and I'll be off to the circus!

Disclaimer: Yes, I think you all get the picture. I own nothing. Perhaps and busted-up, used disposable camera, a piece of corn that is now digesting, and some graphic novels. That's about it. I possess none of the Lord of the Rings characters, nor the plot, nor do I own Orcs. If I did, school will be no more! MUAHAHAHAHA! Now that that's out of my system, I will also inform you that I am NOT responsible for any unreasonable and irresponsible behavior. If you so happen to be caught stealing, don't tell the judge, "Mercies Angel brain washed me and said it was okay to steal things." That's not true; so don't say that in court. Or anywhere else, for that matter.

_An additional chapter? Good Grief: _

**Jen's POV**

I picked up the note from my bed and suddenly realized that I could hardly read past the rushed, terrible handwriting. I walked out the door, beginning my search for my friend. I found Liz in the dining hall, chatting with Maegheruien about how she made the pie. I interrupted and asked Liz if she could read the poorly written note. She could hardly read it, but had more luck than I did. She cleared her throat and began: 

"It reads: 

_'Though your reluctance to join the Fellowship of the Ring is acceptable and understandable, my heart tells me that you and your friend have some part to play in this quest yet, for good or ill before this is over. Fate'############## hands have a way of twisting the future. Your presence may have a good or bad affect to the destruction of the ring. Only time may tell its course. I pray you consider you're decision and choose your path judiciously. Note this: Even the very wise cannot see all ends.'_" 

She smirked, "And it appears that Gimli got a hold of this letter, too." 

"What?!" I asked, yanking the letter from her grip. Sure enough, there was a large line, then a scribble; as if the utensil used to write the manuscript was fought over. It then read, in a completely different handwriting: 

_"Farewell, my love. How I love thee. My heart yearns for thee, though my duties part our ways, making our love impossible to share. Fear not, for my thoughts shall never wander, and my heart shall never falter from thy. Fate shall allow our love to flourish, just as fate has allowed our paths to cross in the beginning. Until that time, fare thee well, my love"_

"I think I'm going puke," I said after reading the finishing paragraph silently, trying to force the thoughts of the irritating dwarf to the back of my mind and concentrate on Gandalf's half of the letter. I was beginning to recognize it, but from where? 

"That jerk! I can't believe he compared us to Gollum!" I fumed, realizing where it was from. "It sounds as if he's practicing his lines," noted Liz. She was scanning the note again for any hints. "What was he talking about?" questioned Maegheruien. I looked over and immediately changed my expression, "Nothing at all! He was just talking about how great the . . .um. . .pie there is. 'The Fellowship' is his nickname for pie." Liz nodded her head in agreement; knowing that opening her mouth would result in disaster. "Some how, I don't believe you," she said, staring at us with a quizzical look. "Okay, the jig is up. We are going to start a music band called 'The Fellowship of the Ring'. We wished to surprise you, but you are obviously too smart for us. We're sorry for deceiving you," I said, backing towards the door with Liz in tow. Maegheruien gave up, knowing us too well and deciding to put her energy to her chores. 

"Stupid, friggin, old coot!" I said angrily, taking out my aggravation on Gandalf. 'Did he know of our plan?' I kept asking myself. 'How could he have known?' I thought. Then it slammed into me. 'It was when he came to ask us to come to dinner. He must have over heard! How could I have been so careless?!' I mentally cursed at myself. Liz was baffled, obviously trying to figure out what the note meant. I knew her too well, and saw through her perplexed look.

"Go pack your stuff, we're leaving soon," I said, surprised at the authority in my own voice. "Fine, Miss Bossy-Boots, but don't have any sympathy from me when that love-crazed half pint starts to jump you," she responded with a sniff. She turned and grinned. "If this goes as planned, we'll be, like, superheroes or something," she said. "Don't start planning your speech, Liz. I doubt we'll make any difference." Her smile never left her face. "Yeah, right," she said as she walked out of the room. "First off, I'd like to thank my mom. . ." I heard her say as her voice faded down the hall. I shook my head and turned to finish packing my stuff. 

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"Hurry, Liz!" I tried to say as low as I could, but still trying to make it sound like I was yelling. "I'm coming, I'm coming," she said. I had been waiting for ten minutes and was growing impatient. She was now trying to lower herself out of the window without falling. Her efforts were in vain, however, and she landed onto the ground with an "Oof". The next room's window open quickly and an Elven head popped out. I mouthed a curse and dived into the nearest bush, literally dragging Liz behind me. "How's there?!" a voice called out. An Elf's sharp eyesight certainly could have seen through the weak hiding place, but apparently he was too weary to care and shut the window in a retreat to his sleep-sanctuary. I realized that I was holding my breath, and let out a sigh of relief. After Liz and I regained our composure after the nearly-discovered experience, we began to jog lightly down the incline of brush. 

We traveled approximately three miles away from the last of the Elven haven before we stopped for the rest of the night. I was scanning over a map to Moria when Liz asked, "Where'd you get that map?"

"I found it in Elrond's library. I doubt he'll even miss it," I answered, mostly ignoring her. "You know, if you keep stealing, you'll never go to Heaven." She sounded as if she was a priest. "Yes, well, if we save the world, that will erase all of my debts, _and_ account for any other ones I may happen to commit. And besides, this map is for a good cause," I replied, hoping it will shut her up. It did, to my surprise, but when I turned around, she was already asleep. I was officially elected first watch.

I sat on a dead log, still plotting the path to the mines. After three hours, I was becoming groggy and finding hard to stay awake. 'Should have brought and Elf,' I thought to myself, 'They hardly sleep at all.' I was halfway to sleep when a sound reached my ears and jerked me from my daze. It was the howl of a wolf, followed be intense pawing sounds at the earth. I let out a small cry, then a curse before rushing to awaken my sleeping comrade. "Liz, wake up. NOW!"

"Huh? Wha?" she asked blearily before hearing the approaching carnivores. "Oh, crap!" she exclaimed, scrambling to her feet. We grabbed our stuff hastily and began running at a full-fledged sprint. As the sounds neared, I grabbed the hilt of my sword, hoping Liz would ready herself for the attack as well. A small river appeared ahead, seeming slow at current. I glanced to my side, which was a mistake, and saw several wolves slightly behind and to the right of me. My fear and adrenaline increased, as did my speed. The river seemed to take an eternity to reach, but at last our refuge was reached.

Plunging into the frigid water, I struggled to get my bearings. The current was stronger than expected, and I was swept farther still. At last, I broke the surface of the water and took a big gasp of air. I saw Liz had already heaved herself onto the opposite shore and collapse, obviously tired. My journey was still far from over. Summoning all the strength I had, I swam towards the shore. Luck was with me, and the current carried me halfway there.

As I crawled onto the shore, I realized how far down stream I had been swept. I could hardly see Liz, who had by now gotten up. I tried to get up, but my muscles refused to function. I rolled onto my back, trying to breathe easier, but only succeeded onto my side. As I watched the wolves pace back and forth on the reverse bank, I realized how close Liz and I came to being a mid-night snack between six carnivorous beasts. I heard footsteps behind me and immediately knew it was Liz.

"You okay?" she asked, poking me in the shoulder to assure herself. I was really alive. She helped me up and we walked about twenty yards before I finally gave up, dropped to my knees, then onto my side, finding that it was the most comfortable place in Middle-Earth at the moment. Liz sighed and sat down beside me, shuffling through my pack before taking out the map. She let out a cheer of victory to find that the map was still intact and readable, even when it was soaked with water. She began to nibble on some bread, but spat it out quickly, mumbling about soggy bread. I noted all of this for the few more minutes of consciousness that I had before sleep found me.

  


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I woke up with the sun in my face. I saw Liz several feet away, eating the once soggy bread. I glanced at the sky, trying to decide what time is was. It was only about 7 o'clock. Rummaging through my pack I found some of the fruit I packed and began eating breakfast. I studied the map a bit longer, and found that Liz and I ran three miles; which meant we were half a day a head of schedule. "Yo, Liz!" I called out to her. She jumped, obviously oblivious that I had woken up. She turned toward me, and I noticed that she wasn't really eating the bread. She was eating a candy bar.

"You have chocolate? And you didn't tell me?!" I said, trying to sound hurt for sympathy. "No, wait! It'######! All mine!!" she answered, standing up while holding her hand as far away from me as possible. "It's been an entire week of madness I've stayed here in Middle-Earth, and it's been _four_ weeks since I've had any candy at all!"

"You know what sugar does to you. You get all crazy and don't listen to _anyone_. Besides, it's all mine!" she exclaimed, attempting to hide the candy in her pack. I lunged at the rectangular shaped goodness that I was being deprived of. Liz saw my movement and backed away, holding the half eaten chocolate bar close to her. I knew she would see me coming again, so I faked and grabbed the chocolate bar with one hand, while shoving Liz's face with the other. "Why. . .won't. . .you. . .let. . .GO!!" I said, trying to pry her fingers off the chocolate. I finally got her fingers off and was about to take a bite when I noticed what kind of chocolate it was.

"Why in Heaven's name is Legolas' _face_ on this chocolate bar?!" I asked with disbelief in my tone. "Because it is. That's how it was made," she answered, looking sadden by her lack of Legolas engraved candy. "Where can you buy this stuff? 'Legolas-R-Us'?" I asked while giving the bar a second thought. "I didn't buy it. I made it," she stated, looking proud of her culinary achievements. "_You_ cook?!" I asked, surprised. "Of course I cook! And that candy bar is what kept me up all night. I packed it with extra caffeine."

"How'd you do that?" I dared to ask. "Instead of milk, I used soda. Extra caffeine soda called 'Caff-Zap!'," she said, replied, grabbing the bar back as I remained astonished. "That's disgusting! And how'd you get Legolas' face on it?" I asked with my curiosity not yet fulfilled. "I printed a picture off the Net, then sculpted it onto the candy bar after I finished making it," she answered, taking a bite off the chocolate.

"Well, you can keep it. I'm not going to eat the 'Soda de Choco' you've made," I said while taking an apple out of my pack. "More for me," she said, fanning out ten more chocolate bars. "Whoa! You made all of these?" I said, grabbing them to take a better look. "Yup," she said in triumph, though she didn't do too much. Each one of the bars had a different face of Legolas. "Man, you have too much free time on your hands. Do something productive, like learn Calculus, or something," I said, handing her the bars of chocolate. "Psht. Like I'll do that. I'd much rather make soap sculptures of my sweet love's face," she answered.

"This isn't infatuation, its obsession," I said with a strange glance. "It's _devotion_," she wittingly added. "Whatever," I retorted, packing my stuff back into my pack. Liz sighed. "We're leaving already? My back hurts, and so do my legs," she whined. My hamstrings hurt, too. It wasn't like we stretched out before running for our lives. "Don't worry. I'll carry your pack if your too much of a wimp," I said, attempting reverse psychology. "I'm not a wimp!" she said with determination. She stood up and grabbed both her own pack and mine. I shut my mouth, because commenting anything would cause her to realize what she was doing. She trudged out of the makeshift campsite and called out to me, "Hurry up, wimp!" I grinned at myself and followed after her, tossing the apple core behind me.

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Sorry this was sooo short, and sooo late. Anyways, please review; I'd greatly appreciated. Constructive criticism and words of advice are _greatly_ appreciated. 


	8. German Passwords

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related Lord of the Rings nor anything related to the Brady Bunch. Nope. Wish I did, though, 'cause then I'd be way more wealthy and I'd actually pass the $2.32 range. Yay! *realizes that it was just a fantasy, and brakes down sobbing*

I'd like to apologize to the readers. The note from last chapter didn't really sound too. . .um. . .Gandalfy. My brain just don't work no more. . .

_Further more:_

**Liz's POV**

Jen and I continued jogging though the forest, with me several feet ahead. I was getting pretty bored of walking, so I began singing the "Hi Ho" song from "Snow White" with brilliant new lyrics (Hi ho, hi ho, to save the world we go. . .) After 10 more minutes, I began to wonder, :Why does my back hurt?" It dawned on me. I stopped abruptly, causing Jen to barge into me. "Ow! What's wrong? Forget something?" she asked, rubbing her head. "Why the heck am I carrying _two_ packs?!" I said dropping both of the bags.

"You volunteered to carry them, bus boy," she answered, though it seemed clear it was a question not meant to be answered. "Hmmph," I retorted, not having anything else to say. I trotted to the front, keeping my senses alert. Though it was still only mid-day, I didn't want any more animals to try and eat us. Every rustle made me jump, only to unveil a squirrel or chipmunk. We didn't stop to eat; we just ate while walking, only stopping to make sure we were on the right trail. This was more boring than I thought it would be. I thought there'd be orcs and dragons and stuff to kill trying to stop us, but the only things _close_ to life threatening were the ravenous wolves. Pssht. How dull.

_{Their journey's gonna take a while. Let's check back. . .hmm. . .29 days later} _

_::Twenty nine Days Later:: _

**Still Liz's POV**

"Are we there yet?" 

"No." 

"Are we there yet?" 

"No." 

"Are we there yet?" 

"No." 

"Are we there yet?" 

"If you ask that question one more time, I'm going to take this sword and shove it straight up your-"

"You sure we're not almost there? We've been walking for _days_," I cut off, dragging my feet to add affect. Jen began to pull out a map, but I yanked it out of her hands. "Hey!" Jen exclaimed, trying to get it back. I pulled it out of her grasp. "Look, see? We should have reached it by now. You sure we're going the right way?" I asked, trying to read the rather confusing map. "I know we should have reached it by now, that's the problem I'm trying to solve," she answered, grabbing the map back. "We're. . .lost?" I asked, my voice suddenly weak. "Not exactly _lost,_ we're just off track. Don't worry." She was trying to reassure me, but it sure wasn't working.

"We _are_ lost! What the hell are we gonna do?!" I screamed, losing control. "First off, we're not going to panic. Second, _you_ shut your mouth before the whole forest hears you," she said, anger saturating her voice. I tried to remain calm. I really did, but dying alone in the forest or having to eat the dead body of my friend wasn't exactly soothing. I began to cry slightly, but trying to stay silent. I didn't want my nervous breakdown noticed by anyone.

After two minutes of sitting around, watching Liz trying to pin point the area we were in and get our bearings, I was about to lose my mind. "Aha!" Jen exclaimed, causing me to practically jump out of my skin. "Here we are!" My spirits up lifted, and I turned to see where Jen was pointing. "That's still nine more miles!" I sighed. "If you walked 94 miles already, you can walk nine measly miles," she said, a bit _too_ cheerfully. "But I hate jogging and walking and running and stuff. . ." I whined, hoping that would award me a break.

"Look, we'll take a break at night. Right now, we need to get to Moria. Besides, you're the one who suggested we come on this quest. What's the matter? Can't take it?" I said, practically in my face like a boot camp instructor. She must have seen my scared expression, because she wandered off laughing. "Have you been drinking?" I retorted. She sent me a mild scowl (believe me, compared to some of the other scowls she has up her sleeve, this was child's-play) and replied, "No, if I had, you'd be going insane." I frowned and grabbed my stuff before following her into the forest.

"Wait up!" I called out, jogging a bit faster. "Well, hurry," came the reply. I finally caught up with her, but she hardly slowed her already fast pace. "Can you slow down?" I asked, tired and hungry. "Fine," she said, regretfully. "But if we do, we'll have to stop for the night. I was hoping to reach Moria by tonight," she added, attempting to dissuade me. That wasn't about to happen. "That's fine with me," I said, glad that it meant a chance to rest. She sighed and put down her pack, which was obviously a relief for her and she seemed almost pleased that I had chosen to stop for the night. I ate my meal, content. Jen had already fallen asleep, and was beginning to snore softly. After eating my full, I placed my bundle of cloth I packed as a blanket underneath my head and the rest to cover half of my body. I must have been really tired, because I fell asleep faster than Houdini could even think about how to escape.

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I woke up to someone poking me with something sharp. "Come on! Wake up!" a voice called out of the void. I opened my eyes hesitantly and sat up. " 'bout time," I heard behind me. I turned and saw Jen with a sharpened branch aimed at me with one hand, a half eaten apple in the other. "What the heck are you doing? Why are you poking me?" I asked, rubbing my head. "Just you wouldn't wake up. I've trying to wake you up for the past 10 minutes," she replied, taking a bite from her apple. I huffed and got up, walking over to my pack in search of food. I picked out several pieces of fruit and ripped off a piece of bread as breakfast, sat down and engulfed the rations. Jen was already packing her things by the time I was finished and I quickly copied.

By noon, we finally reached what appeared to be the beginning of the "Walls of Moria". It was quite a relief to my feet, which where getting tired from the fast pace Jen had set her "jog". The small beginning of the lake began to stretch out and soon, we reached the place that seemed to be familiar from the movie. "How are we supposed to find the doorway? It only reflects starlight and moonlight," I asked, quoting the movie. "Well, it doesn't say it only opens at night, right? We just start screaming 'Mellon' and the door will eventually hear us and open," she said. I was ready to believe her, but I didn't really want to wait until nightfall.

"Mellon! Mellon, mellon, mellon!!!" we called, wandering up and down the bank. At last the apparent "doorway" opened. Jen ripped off a branch despite my protests. She just called me a "tree hugger" and that I should run off with my Elvish, tree-hugging friends. She took out a small dagger from her boot and began hitting it against a small rock near the branch. It eventually sparked, and a "torch" was lit. We walked into the huge caverns and Jen soon turned and asked, "What's Elvish for 'foe' or 'enemy'?" I shrugged, "How should I know?"

"I thought you knew Elvish!" 

"You said that already, and I said I didn't. Why do you want to know?"

"Because it might close the doors," she answered, thinking hard for a moment. "And why would that matter? Wouldn't it just make sure the Fellowship gets through Moria faster?" I asked, really not giving a damn. "Yes, but remember, while waiting for Gandalf to think of the password, Pippin began chucking rocks into the water. When Frodo figured the password, everyone walked in, only to find that it was a 'tomb' and that 'Goblins' have visited the area. Everyone began to retreat, but Pippin's rock throwing had awakened the Watcher in the Water. The Watcher grabbed Frodo and after the brief battle, caved in the Fellowship, thus giving them only one more exit. Going through there, Gandalf "died". After, they went to Lórien where Galadriel gave them boats to go to the Argonath where Boromir dies and Frodo decides to take the Ring the Mordor alone, thus creating the other books of the series," she listed, gasping for air towards the end.

"Whoa," I said, flabbergasted. "The serpent-thingy has a _name_," I said with surprise in my voice, referring to the "Watcher in the Water". "You weren't paying attention, were you?" she with exasperation. "Um. . .you lost me around the part when something and the who-now grabbed what's-his-face's foot."

Jen sighed and turned her attention back to the entrance. She couldn't think of anything, but I heard her mumble a few words under her breath. The stone gates closed with a thud and I just stared incredulously at my friend, who had the same look on her face while she looked at the door. "How'd you know the password?" I asked, blinking several times at the entrance. "I didn't. It was just some wanna-be German," she answered. "What I want to know is why the dwarves have an Elvish password," I asked. "That is a bit messed up, now isn't it?" We both shrugged and began our journey through the mines of Moria.

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"Which way do we go?" 

"I don't know. The movie just kept cutting the shots. Curse that movie!" Jen answered, not daring to raise her voice too much for fear of awakening any enemies. "So now what?" I asked, irritation in my voice. I would hate to have come all the way here for nothing. Jen turned, trying to look for any familiar landmarks that may aid in the continuation of the journey. Finding none, she turned back to me. "I suppose we have to go back. Back to the gates of Moria and go back to Rivendell," she stated. "_Rivendell!_ That'll take _forever_!" I whined. I wasn't about to just give up and travel another 100 miles. "There's no other way. We don't have any maps of this place, nor any knowledge. Without those, we're practically blind. We have to go back," she said, turning to walk back the way we came.

I complied, only because I was too tired to do anything else. We hardly rested at all since we came to this hellhole. And it smells bad, too. I jogged a bit to catch up to Jen and was soon trying to think of the positives about leaving. I couldn't think of much so decided to hum. Jen seemed a bit annoyed, but I continued my merry little song. I think my "merry little song" is a jinx, however.

Jen and I went no more than twenty feet, when the torch went out. That's right. The freaking torch blow out. I let out several curses and a few cusses, but nothing major. It was only when I realized that it was pitch black that I began to scream. Don't get me wrong; I'm not afraid of the dark. I'm only afraid of the creatures that could kill me in the dark.

"Calm down," Jen hissed. She was obviously pissed, so I shut up. "We only have to remain calm and wait until the Fellowship get here. Until then, you have to keep quite." I heard her shake away some skeletons, sit down and rummage through her pack. "You gave away your Lucky Quarter, remember?" They way we sometimes know what each other are thinking is scary, no? "Crap, that's right. This is what I get for bartering you, isn't, Lucy? Lucy, I'm so sorry!" she said to nothing. "You named it Lucy?" I asked, my voice dripping with disbelief. "Yes, you have a problem with that?"

"No, no. Not at all," I answered. "So, we're seriously stuck here?" I inquired. "Gee, it look's that way, now doesn't it?" 

"Jen? 

"What?" 

"I gotta pee. . ."

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You guys like that one? I was kind of stumped, so be gentle. Oh, and a reminder: Please don't flame mindlessly. It hurts my feelings (yes, I have feelings). And please forgive me if I hurt yours! *sighs from relief* Now that my conscience is cleared, please review!


	9. Bonding Time

Disclaimer: Blah. Don't own a thing. At least, not a thing that doesn't belong to me. Umm. . .that doesn't make much sense, now does it? *scratches head in confusion* Okay: I don't own anything that someone else already owns. You know what? I'll just say it like it is. I do not own anything related to Lord of the Rings. Except maybe this fic. And I don't own the little theme song from Wal-mart. That's about it. 

Author's note: This is most certainly becoming a parody, so I've changed the genre. Um. . .that's about it. I have no really important news. Blah. Oh yeah! And a BIG thanks to Dragonlet for pointing out the fact that Elrond is waaayyy to serious to giggle. I must have been on a sugar high or something, 'cause those always deprive me of reason. You've saved me great humiliation! THANK YOU!! I've changed that part, if you'd like to read it again! Anyhoos, thanks a bunch to everyone else who reviewed! And don't be shy to point out mistakes. I'm terrible at proofreading and so many things pass by me unnoticed. Well, on with the story!

_More?! Good Gravy: _

**Gandalf's POV**

I watched as Frodo tumbled down the mountain to Aragorn's feet. When Frodo realized the ring was missing, my greatest fears seemed lived out and panic struck deep into my gut. That panic diminished, but was filled with worry was Boromir lifted the small trinket from the frost. As he reluctantly decided to watch him like a hawk, for fear he may becoming attached to the ring; just as Isildur had. This was beginning to worry me, for if Boromir was becoming affected, was Frodo, too? And the rest. They may as well bend to the Ring's evil in time.

We continued on, marching through the snow without a break in our pace. The clouds in the distance were indeed beginning to worry me, as did it Legolas. "I do not like the looks of the changing weather. It seems too sudden," he whispered to me. "I agree. Let us hope we find sufficient shelter before the storm catches us," I answered, trying to dismiss his worries. He subsided back to the end of the Fellowship, still looking in the direction of the darkening clouds.

My hopes were dashed when the storm hit without warning. We still trudged on, the Elf and his keen senses as our guide. I saw that even Legolas' vision was failing in such a blizzard and his walking was beginning to slow. He walked past most of us, attempting to find a path for the rest to follow. "There is a fell voice on the air," he alerted; stopping and listening more intently. It hit me. The sudden storm; the earlier spies had sent word to their master. "It's Saruman!" I called out. At that moment, rocks began to fall for the mountian. I dodged, and began to conjure a counter spell. It failed, for he had more power than me, and lightning from his hex struck the mountain.

The Elf came to my aid, and saved me from a rather nasty fall. As the entire Fellowship arose, everyone suggested we take a detour. Boromir first suggested we go through Rohan, but Aragorn noted it was too near to Isengard. The dwarf then suggested the path of Moria. The one path I dared not go. The one path that wielded Shadow and Flame.

"Let the Ring Bearer decide. Frodo?" I proclaimed, ending the dispute and placing a rather small burden upon the hobbit's shoulder. Small, yes, compared to one he already had the bear. "We take the path of Moria," he answered. I dreaded those words, but did not wish to tell everyone what lied deep within the bowels of the mine. "So be it."

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**Jen's POV**

Two days. Two days of torture I had to endure. But we were surviving, at the most. I can't say the same for my sanity. Feeling around for food within our packs kept us nourished. And we used a small area fifteen feet straight, ten feet to the left as the "bathroom". Our eyes couldn't see three inches ahead, so the first trip was quite out of the ordinary. Liz had shuffled around, nearly going off the edge, but turned and declared the area the toilet.

My butt was beginning to get sores from sitting on the rocky ground all day long. And my ears were getting sores, too; for Liz had decided to pass the time by singing "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall". Even when I was trying to go to sleep, she sang. She said it kept her sanity together. And here I was thinking she had lost her sanity by the middle of the first day.

I was beginning to get worried. The Fellowship should have been here by now. 'Had they taken a different route?' I thought. 'Did our presence at the council drive them to take the path of Isengard? They may never come here and we'll die of starvation.' My fears were drowned out by Liz singing, "Fifteenth verse, same as the first. Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer! Take one down, pass it around. Ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall!" I tuned her out with Bach's fifth concerto repeatedly playing in my head.

Another half day (or what I estimated as half a day) had already droned past, when I heard a great rumble deep within the shadows. Liz stopped her singing and whispered in a fearful tone, "I hope that's the crew." I was thinking the same thing. "Guess we'll have to wait and see," I responded, keeping my voice controlled, though fear was beginning to surge through me.

It wasn't the only sound we had heard. At the end of the first day, we heard several growls and scatterings. It scared the heck out of me, and I'm sure it did the same to Liz, for she started her singing that day. I believe it gave her some sort of reassurance that no evil monsters will eat her; though if I were them I'd eat her just to make her stop singing.

I was absolutely ecstatic when a faint light appeared in the distance, along with faint noises. "It's them! Finally!" I heard the cheerful voice of my friend call out. "Ssh," I said, placing my finger to my lips. "We don't know who that is yet!" I hissed in a low voice. I knew it could only be them with light, but I didn't want to get eaten just because my hopes were too high.

When the light got closer, Liz and I fought to keep the glare out. I believe our irises had grown a tad weak in the days of darkness. "What the hell are you _doing_ here?!" a voice called out. I could barely recognize it. "Legolas?" my friend called out beside me, her hand, too, trying to block the light. I looked at the faces. Sure enough, everyone was there. I was never so happy to see them. I was never so happy to see light.

"Well?" the Elf said, turning our attention back to his previously asked question. "Um. . ." I started. Boy, this was going to be hard to explain. "I knew it!" another voice called out. I looked in the direction of the sound, but had to look down, because the speaker was rather short. "No one can resist the charms of a dwarf," stated Gimli. "Believe me," I answered, "that would be the _last_ reason why I'm here."

"And what would be your first?" questioned the ranger. "We came to help you," my friend called out, her head held high. It was like she was proud to have been proved helpless, hopeless, and entirely clueless. "You could hardly help us. You could hardly help yourselves," Boromir replied haughtily.

"I'd like to see you say that when you're _dead_!" I said angrily. I was referring to the "three-arrows-into-body-via-bow wielding Lurtz" incident, but he apparently took it as a threat and unsheathed his sword. I became frightened, for I had hardly any knowledge on how to fight with my sword. Gandalf must have seen this fear, for he came to my aid.

"Sheath your sword, Boromir. These two aren't our enemies. They will travel with us until we safely leave this catacomb." The warrior reluctantly agreed and put away his weapon. Legolas continued giving us strange looks until he finally spoke up.

"Why are you two wearing Glorfindel's_ clothes_?"

"Umm. . .I guess he gave them to us," explained Liz. I was so proud! She came up with that excuse all by herself! "Yeah, but they're kind of messed up," I said, modeling for the Fellowship. I showed how the brown slacks' hem was fringed and uneven; how one sleeve of the green shirts was longer than the other; and how the tunic's pockets were inside out. Legolas looked quite hurt. "_I_ made those clothes." That was a shocker. "What?" I asked incredulously. I blinked several times. Liz looked like she was near to tears. "I'll never take off these clothes. . ." she said in a small voice.

Everyone was a bit confused about what was happening, but followed Gandalf as he walked past everyone to guide them through the mines. We continued walking for quite some distance until the old wizard said one of his most famous lines: "I have no memory of this place."

~* *~* *~* *~* *~* *~* *~* *~* *~* *~* *~* *~

"Shouldn't we just tell him where to go?" a whispered voice asked. "No, Frodo and Gandalf will be sharing some serious 'bonding time' any second now," I replied. I never realized how long everyone had to wait while Gandalf thought about the paths before him. I was really bored, and decided to let my mind wander. I was in the middle of a reverie, when a question struck my mind. "Yo! Legolas!" I called.

The Elf looked up from his usual position. I didn't know if he had been sleeping, but he seemed rather angry with me. "Can Elves drown?" I asked. He shot me a scowl and bowed his head again. I huffed, "Fine! I'll ask Sam!" The hobbit started at the sound of his name. I walked over to him and sat down.

"Come on, you're an Elf wiz, right?" I asked. "I suppose," he replied. "Good. Can they drown?"

"Well, after living for so long, one would think they would learn how to swim," he answered. "Yeah, but if someone held their head under the water?"

"Why would someone want to do that?"

"I don't know! Maybe Saruman decides drowning is the latest fashion in killing. I was just asking!" I said. I was getting a bit annoyed with the little hobbit, so I walked over to Aragorn. "Dude, 'yes' or 'no' question: Can Elves drown?"

"Yes," came the rather simple answer. "Good. Can they burn to death? They look pretty flammable." I continued my barrage of questions on the deaths of Elves and hobbits until he finally was fed up and ignored me. I walked back over to Liz, how was (no doubt) staring at the relaxed Elf. "I wonder if she's plotting something" and "Perhaps. She does seem a bit edgy" were whispered by the gossiping hobbits.

When I looked over, they hushed up, looking a bit terrified. "You afraid of wittle, ol' me?" I asked in a childish tone. They still didn't reply. This rather uncomfortable silence (other than the whispers of Frodo and Gandalf as they 'bonded') continued for quite some time. Finally, Gandalf exclaimed, "Oh! It's that way!"

"Good, so I'm going this way," I said. "Why?" Liz questioned. I opened my mouth to announce about the orcs, trolls, and goblins that inhabited the area. I sighed and just kept going on my own path. I walked about three feet when I realized how dark it had become. "Wait! You guys?!" I called out, scrambling towards the exit.

"What took you so long?" Liz asked smugly. "Shut up," I answered. I only dreaded what will happen. The first battle.

~* *~* *~* *~* *~* *~* *~* *~* *~* *~* *~* *~

_Hope you liked that! This one seemed especially serious, now didn't it? And the next one will be even worse! I predict it will be quite dark. Even with life-threatening moments meshed into it! The first battle!_


	10. In the Mines of Moria

Disclaimer: Do I own The Lord of the Rings? No. If I did, I wouldn't be making a pathetic excuse of a story. I'd be filthy rich, living in a huge mansion, and sipping Shirley Temples in my two-acre swimming pool all day long. Then I'd go and spend all of my money on clothes, cars, and everything else I ever want. Heck, I'll even buy the actors' rights as free citizens and force them to be my personal slaves. *slides into a daydream* Yes, they will have to wear maid's dresses and address me as, "Your Highness." "Viggo, clean those curtains!" "Ian, dust off the Oscar's I bought off Peter Jackson. Say, where is Pete? Pete! Peter! Here, boy!" *The annoyed director comes walking in with a pretty, pink bell collar around his neck* "Bow wow, Your Highness" he exclaims, less than enthusiastically. "Wrong, wrong, _wrong_! You have to _feeell_ the emotion. . ." *comes back into the cold, harsh, real world with a sigh* That would be the life.

Author's note: I'm sorry I take sooo long updating, but school's ever -driven teachers make sure I am supplied with enough homework to last three months.

_On with the story:_

Liz's POV

Soon after Gandalf found the way, we reached Balin's tomb. "Gimli!" the wizard called, hoping to sustain the frenzied dwarf. Gimli paid no heed, and soon reached the coffin. He began to weep and everyone soon reached the sarcophagus. "We must move on. We cannot linger," I heard behind me. "I agree!" I chirped, "there are goblins crawling everywhere. And whenever Legolas tells you guys to leave, and you don't, someone gets killed!"

I heard a great cry of surprise and anger come from beside me. I turned and saw quite a humorous scene. Gimli had a tight grip around Jen's waist, and Jen was protesting wildly and flailing her arms. Gandalf reached down and grabbed a blood and dust encrusted book from the grimy hands of a nearby corpse. "Eew," I thought to myself. He began to talk about drums, but I was hardly listening. I was too busy trying to keep my laughter down as I watched Jen trying to break free from the dwarfs grasp. She even began biting his gloved hands, but it didn't seem to make much of a difference.

It wasn't until she heard Gandalf when something seemed to spark in her mind. Turning as best as she could in the dwarf's death grip, she screamed, "FREEZE!" Pippin stopped right where he was; about two inches away from the arrow tip. "Turn away very, very slowly," she instructed. He obliged, but as he turned, the tip of Gandalf's hat with he had been holding brushed against the tip of the arrow. We all watched; helpless.

"You fool of a Took!" Gandalf exclaimed, yanking the things from Pippin's hand. I wanted to just call out: "Hey, it wasn't Pip's fault, your hat's too pointy!" but I decided against it. Gandalf angry is a bad thing. I glanced toward Jen, how had wrestled out of Gimlet's grasp when the dwarf was paying closer attention to the falling skeleton. She looked terrified. She grabbed my arm and pulled me behind Gandalf. Just when we reached sanctuary, the noises of the orcs and goblins started.

Jen's POV

I was panicked. I had no idea how to use the sword at my hip. And I was sure Liz didn't know how to use her knives as well. We cowered with the hobbits behind Gandalf; the safest place I could think of. I watched as the warriors barricaded the door as best as they could. As they got into a battle position, I realized I should do the same. Unsheathing my sword, I bumped Liz with my shoulder, indicating she should do the same. She unsheathed her knives and braced herself for combat.

She seemed too cocky; acting like she was invincible. She couldn't really be thinking that, could she? "This isn't a game," I warned. "It's a battle between life and death."

"Don't give yourself a heart attack. All we have to do is kill some orcs and get out of here." I was about to argue, but the door had just given way, and seas of orcs came pouring in. I held my sword with shaking hands, and braced myself.

I was surprised how more graphic everything was outside of the movie. Two orcs had broken past Gandalf and the hobbits (yes, I was relying on the hobbits to guard my life) and were making their way towards Liz and I. Liz grinned and stepped forward; while I panicked and backed away. Liz cleanly sliced a gash in one of the foul creatures' throat, leaving one for me. I closed my eyes and thrust my sword forward.

When nothing sharp had broken my skin, I opened my eyes. An orc was neatly skewered on my sword. I stepped back, allowing the nasty little thing to slide off my blade. I looked about, trying to find my friend. All I saw was blood, guts, and mayhem. Everything seemed so automatic and fast. I stepped forward, taking several deep breathes to calm my nerves. 'It's either them or me; them, or me,' I continued to think to myself. It was somewhat reassuring, but I still wasn't about to run about, gun-ho style.

I sliced several orcs, leaving most for the actual warriors and my rather bloodthirsty friend. She seemed to be having a grand time slicing and dicing orcs along side the other warriors. 'How does she do that?!' I asked myself. Here I was, having a hard time keeping on my feet from dodging so many blows; and she runs around without a care in the world, cutting of heads as easily as she would pie. I looked about, staying alert for any signs of more orcs coming my way. I seemed to be forgetting one important detail; but couldn't think of anything.

The earth under me began to treble slightly. Another tremor followed; more powerful. Several more came, until the ugly brute of a cave troll came through the doors on a leash. I bit my lip while mentally cursing myself for coming on this quest. I backed into the wall, searching for a way out of this predicament. I continued to cut down several orcs; child's play compared to the ever-increasing numbers of fetid creatures the others were demolishing.

I ducked at the blow an orc thrust at me and stabbed upward through the upper throat and out the back of the head. Elbowing one of the creatures, I saw Aragorn was tossed aside like a rag doll by the troll. Frodo was then stabbed by the spear and dropped to the floor, seemingly dead. Everyone then fought with new vigilance and rage; as if avenging their fallen comrade. I cut down only two more orcs before the whole thing was over. The Elven archer had shot the final blow.

Glancing about, I saw as Aragorn was beginning to show signs of consciousness. He eventually got up, and crawled over to Frodo, turning over the expected dead hobbit. As Aragorn turned the body over, Frodo let out a gasp. "I'm alright; I'm not hurt," he panted. "You should be dead."

"I believe there is more to this hobbit than me-" I cut off Gandalf, "Yeah, yeah. Mithril. Now let's go!" I began to tug on Gandalf's sleeve while making way for the door. Legolas turned his head, indicating more orcs were on the way. "Quickly," cried Gandalf, "To the bridge of Khazad-dum!" 

* * * * * * * * * 

As the orc-goblin freaks began crawling down the pillars' sides like spiders, everyone readied themselves. At first I thought nothing of it, and didn't even draw my sword. Staring at the creatures, the hundreds of them, time seemed to drag forever. Every minute seemed like a millennium. I was beginning to get worried as the familiar sound of the balrog's footsteps failed to echo throughout the cavern. 'Come on already!' I screamed mentally. I drew my sword when nothing seemed to answer. My heart began to beat faster, 'How in Heaven's name are we going to fight all of these weirdos without the God forsaken balrog scaring them away?' My answer finally came when at last the booming footfall sounded throughout the vicinity.

The hobgoblins scattered, giving me the room to sigh with relief. That relief lasted about a second when I realized what new foe was coming toward us. I didn't even bother waiting for Boromir to ask, "What is this new devilry?" I just broke into a run down the hallway of pillars. I heard more footsteps behind me, and turned to see the entire Fellowship following, Liz practically conjoined with Legolas' arm. I looked forward again and saw the edge of the stairs. I skidded to a halt right before of the edge. "Stop!" I screamed, holding my right hand one inch in front of Boromir's face. "We're taking a detour!" I shouted while pointing to the left. 

We continued down the stairs, reaching the gap. I looked down into the ever-deepening blackness. The gap between the two parts of stairs now seemed twenty-five miles long. I jumped just after Gandalf and nearly fell on my face if the Elf hadn't grabbed my arm. Liz jumped just as Boromir did, but didn't make the entire jump. She grabbed the edge and hit the stone side with a thump. Liz began cussing wildly while trying to climb up. I grabbed her arms and tried to help her, but I wasn't strong enough. "Relax," Pippin said nervously, hoping to help. "Pretend it's only a three foot drop." 

"Yeah!" I snapped, "a three foot drop to oblivion!" At this, Liz began to wail uncontrollably. A hand reached from behind me and grabbed Liz's hands, pulling her up with ease. I looked to see Boromir, scowling like he hated the fact that he had to drag his lazy butt over to help. Jerk. By that time, Aragorn and Frodo were about to smash into the other half of the staircase. Legolas shoved me out of the way and readied himself to catch Aragorn. How rude. 

We continued running like mad to the bridge of Khazad-dum. As we neared I saw how narrow the bridge really was. 'What a wonderful place not to put safety railings,' I thought grimly. I halted at the base to the overpass, but Borormir roughly shoved my back, forcing me onto the bridge. I was slowly waking over when the Rohan warrior grabbed me by the waist and carried me to the other side. He shoved me down forcefully and watched as the rest were making there way across the bridge. 

Gandalf stopped in the center of the bridge. 'Come on, old man! It's not like that giant monster's going to cross so thin a bridge.' I screamed at him mentally. That's when I felt it. The terrible jerk that rattled my arm. I looked down at my arm and saw an arrow shaft jutting crudely from my arm. 'Is this a joke?' I asked myself, reaching up to touch it. "GANDALF!" was shouted from beside me. Someone else seemed to be calling my name, but it seemed so distant. 

Just as my hand was about to grab the shaft of the arrow, someone grabbed my arm and yanked me down a corridor. The blurry faces of the Fellowship seemed to whiz past me as I automatically ran with the person dragging me. As we got outside, the bright light of the sun blasted into my eyes. I sat down on what looked like a fuzzy version of a rock. I sat there, staring at the shaft. Everything was getting fuzzier and dimmer. It was then that I felt the shear pain shredding up my arm and pounding into my head. I felt my eyes open wide, but my vision didn't improve. I tried to cry out. I wanted to cry out, but no sound came from my throat. 'This can't be happening. This has to be some sort of queer dream,' kept repeating inside my head. 

My good arm grasped at the wound, hoping to block out the pain. Warm, sticky fluid began to stream over my hand and down my arm. A shrill voice called out from somewhere, "Oh my God! Jen! Your arm!" I moved my hand to my face, trying to clear my mind from the numbing fog that clouded my thoughts. I couldn't see anything but blurry color. The person was screaming at me, something along the lines of "Oh God! You gonna die!" Their voices faded out, along with the colors. 

The last thing I heard was, "Don't worry! Legolas will fix this! He knows all!! Just don't die!" Numbing blackness then shrouded me in its cloak. 

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Whew! My first battle scene. That was harder than the other authors made it look. Anyways, tell me what you think . . .please? Oh yeah, and the last part with the fuzzy stuff and colors was from experience. That's what it was like when I was ready to pass out, so I decided to put that in. And the chapter wasn't especially funny because it was a serious battle scene. And considering I felt pretty depressed for some reason while writing this, I decided to make this chapter all angsty. So: P Don't worry, I'll try to find my sense of humor after I'm done vegging and watching my fingers type in their own. And if someone can tell me where to find a beta reader, I'd be really happy because I don't know where to find one! 


	11. LAMENT! LAMENT!

Author's note: Hello, everyone! I'm terribly sorry for not putting this up earlier, but I had way too much homework! And I've also been working on chapter twelve at the same time _plus_ a little spin-off of this fic, which is hard, since I know nothing of Resident Evil. N@talia will be helping me on that, fortunately. And, of course, the warning for this, past, and future chapters:

**WARNING!!** Severe anti-characterism. I have already acknowledged that, so don't waste your time telling me that. And I know Elves aren't as dumb as I depicted. I acknowledged that, too. Yes, and I have purposefully destroyed the symbolism the nine Fellowship members had, so I've acknowledged that and I probably messed up in the order of things, as well. Yes, I have to acknowledge everything because a lot of people out there have the compulsive need to correct everything that wasn't acknowledged to be done on purpose. I, unfortunately, am one of those people. =_=

_Finally:_

**Liz's POV**  
I sprinted back the way I came, searching for the rest of the Fellowship. It didn't take long, because they were just exiting Moria. I ran up to Legolas and began screaming, "Oh, God! You have to help! It's Jen! She's in trouble! Please help!" along with a bunch of gibberish even I didn't understand. "What's wrong? Did we get lucky and she fell of the edge of a cliff?" a voice, which sounded suspiciously like Boromir's, asked sarcastically. I was ready to kick his butt when Gimli ran up and shouted heroically, "What ill fate has fallen my beloved?!" I didn't answer, but pulled the elf and the dwarf to where Jen was last seen.

  
She was still there, but it wasn't like she could have gone anywhere. She was lying on her side, still bleeding from her arm. Her eyes were closed and her face was calm. Aragorn had just run up, and began shuffling through a pack. He pulled out some jar and began talking to Legolas in Elvish, who nodded. As the elf pulled out the arrow, I gasped out, "EEW! God, that's the grossest thing I'll ever hear!" 

  
It was a sort of mushy, squishy, slurping sound. The wound was bleeding stronger than ever, but Aragorn quickly tore a long strip of cloth from Jen's cloak and pressed it against the injury. He then cut off the sleeve, giving full view of the wound. It was only a puncture wound, but no doubt the muscle underneath was torn. Aragorn then opened the jar and scooped out some tar-looking stuff, smearing it over the gash. He tore more strips from her cloak and wrapped it around her arm, checking if it was secure.  
After he was done, he reached down a patted her cheek. "Wake up. Wake up!" He began to shake her, but nothing worked. He was about to slap her when I stepped in, "Hey! She out cold and slapping her around isn't going to help." He scowled, "Night is falling and we've already wasted time healing your friend. We have to reach Lorien and seek protection from the elves."  
  


"Then carry her!" I responded, folding my arms across my chest. He looked down at the still face of Jen and finally hauled her onto his back. We were just climbing down the rocky slope when I jumped onto Legolas' back yelling, "Give a piggy-back ride, too!" He tried to get me off, even with the help of Boromir, but I held fast and refused to be deprived of my future husband when he was real. He finally gave up and began to haul me down the hill. Aragorn handed Jen to Boromir about halfway down the long slope, and Legolas just let me hang from his neck. I could tell I was choking him, because he soon began to walk lopsided and made gargle noises. I let go, falling on my butt. What good would a strangled elf be as a husband? 

  
**Jen's POV**  
Something in my mind continued to scream, "You have to get up! Something is terribly wrong, get up!" but my muscles retaliated. I finally broke through the barrier of consciousness and unconsciousness. I opened my eyes slowly. It was sunset, giving my eyes the comfort from its glaring rays; though everything still seemed too bright. 'Could this be the tunnel everyone talks about?' I thought to myself. I dared to speak, testing if speech was allowed in Heaven or hell or wherever I was going. "Am I dead yet?" I whispered in a surprisingly hoarse voice; as if I had been to a concert and had just screamed my lungs out. 

  
The ground stopped moving. "Hardly, you're just not used to such meager wounds," came the response. I frowned and tried to move, but my muscles only allowed my head to move. I saw that I was being carried on Boromir's back. "What. . .?" I questioned myself. "Are you fit to walk?" I heard a voice. I turned to the sound. "She'd better be," Boromir growled. He let his arms slip from underneath me. I tried to keep myself from falling my grasping at the warrior's neck. Flashes of pain welted up my arm as I did so, and I quickly let go, falling to the ground. 

  
"Jen, you okay?" Liz asked from beside me, helping me up. "How dare you treat my betrothed such?! On your guard, man!" Gimli called out. "Betrothed?!" I questioned Liz. "He's just been calling you that for the past five minutes," she responded as I just sat there. Aragorn walked over and grabbed my arm. "Hey!" I called out painfully. He undid the bandages and pulled out a funny looking jar. I looked at my wound and quickly looked away. I always had trouble looking at cut, scabs, and the like. He spread some black goop on my arm and fire burst up into my shoulder. I screamed in pain. "AH! What the hell is that stuff?!" I yelled. "It's orc crap," Liz informed. I squealed in disgust, but Aragon quickly told me other wise, which I was more ready to believe. I glared at Liz's grin and grit my teeth. Aragorn ripped my cloak and wrapped the fabric around my injury. 

  
I looked down at the remains of my cloak and sighed. Half of it was torn off, leaving it looking like a rag stuck to my shoulders. I got up and followed after the Fellowship, growing uneasy as night fell onto the woods. 'Night? What if the blasted elves don't show up?' I asked myself, cursing under my breath at the fact that I may be the cause of the death of the entire Fellowship should the orcs come as Aragorn promised. 

  
"Our wedding will have every one of my relatives present, so there may not be any room for your family. No cakes, either. They give my family gas. And my father must do the sermon. It's a family tradition. . ." the dwarf explained from beside me. I ignored him, not wanting to waste my already low energy. "And don't give me too many children. Just lots of steamy-" 

  
"Okay, that's enough from you, dwarf," I snarled, losing my patience. He quickly shut his mouth, which everyone within earshot was grateful for. He cowered to the back of the Fellowship with the hobbits. 

  
We continued walking through the wood, and I was growing nervous. I was sure the elves weren't going to show up. I was somewhat relieved when arrows were pointed at my head, though I knew I shouldn't have been. The apparent leader of the group came forth and commented on the dwarf's loud breathing. "Yo Haldir! Wassup, my homie?!" Liz exclaimed, holding her hand out for a low-five. "Don't leave me hanging, G-Dog!" He looked at her strangely, but averted his attention as Aragorn shoved her aside and began talking to him in Elvish. Haldir looked over the group and commanded the archers to lower their weapons, with a sigh of relief coming from most of the Fellowship.

  
He led us through the forest, and Aragorn pointed out roots for the hobbits, the dwarf, Liz, and I, which Boromir and Legolas were having no trouble hopping over. Darkness quickly penetrated through the forest, and the pace of the Lorien elves quickened, their lantern's light casting eerie shadows on their long faces. We finally reached the elven haven, much to my relief. Galadriel and Celeborn glowed their usual glow while waking down the steps. I wanted to shield my eyes, but that could be considered rude. . "Nine there were set out from Rivendell yet eigh- Wait. . .ten?" he said, counting once again. "*cough*Gandalf*cough*" And new enlightened expression crept up his face, "Tell me where is Gandalf? For I much desire to speak with him.

"He has fallen into shadow," the Elven Lady said with a creepy tone to her voice. She began her usual speech that came around at this point of the "movie". I half expected a lecture in my head, but nothing came. I looked intently at her face, waiting for her voice. She did nothing but smile and continue her lecture. 

  
We dispersed soon after, and walked about a bit. I just followed the hobbits, and they led me to the area shown in the movie. It was better in person, and the bitter-sweet smell of pines swept into my nose and the trees were taller than I would have thought, considering their tops were cut off by the screen. I rested my eyes for about twenty minutes, lulled by the sound of the branches swaying overhead. I opened them again when the hobbits were making too much noise. Legolas showed up, giving his "Lament to Gandalf" speech; one of his longest lines in the entire movie. "For me the grief is still too near." 

  
"Oh, jeez! Go cry me a river ya big baby. It's not like Gandalf's really de-hey! Yes. Yes, grieve, fair prince, for we will never see the great and noble man again. Never, ever, ever," I said, completely waking up after my mistake. I ignored everyone's glares and strange glances and looked at his hands. "Is that water?!" I asked hopefully. I didn't wait for an answer. I grabbed for it, but he pulled it out of my grip. "Come on! I haven't drunken anything for the past three days! I'm dying . . .of . . .thirst!" I called. "You can have some of mine," Pippin said behind me. I grabbed the water skin and downed it in one gulp. I wiped my mouth and looked for any more water. I drank Merry's as well, and was satisfied for the moment. 

  
"I can't believe this," a voice yelled from behind me. "We finally find some civilization, and what do we have to sleep on?! The dirt!" Liz exclaimed. She halted, looking at Legolas and blinking slowly. The elf grew nervous and began to back away. She suddenly cried out, "I MISSED IT!! SAY IT AGAIN! LAMENT! LAMENT!!" she screamed, grabbing the poor elf's arm. He wrestled out of her grasp, briefly touching her hand to his mouth, and ran away to the direction he came from. She sat down and looked at her hand. "Behold the Holy Hand," she whispered. I shook my head and jumped at a tap on my shoulder. 

  
I turned and saw a female elf with a deep brown bag swung over her shoulder. "Yes?" I asked. "I've come to mend your wounds," she said quietly. She led me away and undid my makeshift bandages. She placed a more soothing ointment on my arm and dressed it with actual bandages. I thanked her and walked off, searching for new clothes. Having only one sleeve may be appreciated by Liz, but not me. 

  
I found Celeborn in one of the gardens. "Yo!" I called out. He flinched, then spun around. He scowled. "Be gone, mortal. I do not wish to be disturbed." I frowned, not appreciating the rudeness. "I'm sure Galadriel would not approve of such behavior. Nor the affairs. . ." I trailed off, rolling my eyes innocently. He shot up bolt right. "I have no idea what you talk about," he claimed. "Uh huh, and I'm sure that Thranduil's concubines wouldn't know either," I said, taking a wild guess. "Of course not! It was only Théoden's ex-wife!!!" I rolled my eyes again, pointing out his mistake. His eyes just went as wide as dinner plates. "Don't worry. I'll keep your secret as long as you get me new clothes," I said simply. He just glared unhappily. 

* * * * * * * * * 

I had just pulled my new, deep green tunic over my head, when a sudden crunch caused me to turn sharply. I gasped. There was Merry, mouth gaping and eyes wide. ". . .MERRY!!!" I screamed, scrambling to the hobbit. He ran away, afraid to be victim of my wrath. I ran into the small area where most of the Fellowship could be found and saw Merry hiding behind a smirking Gimli. He waltzed up to me. "I hear from the young hobbit that you look quite well without your shirt. Mind if I take a peek?" he said, already taking the liberty to reach towards my shirt. "Over my dead body," I said through gritted teeth. "So when you die I can-" 

"NO!" I shouted at the stout figure. "And I was wearing a bra!" I added as I walked away. From the look on his face I could tell he didn't know what a bra was, but I didn't care. I continued to but on my gloves and searched through Liz's purse to find a small brush. I combed through my tangled hair and found that everyone was still giving me strange looks.  
  
"What?" I asked. Liz coughed and stroked her cheek. I got up and waked to a birdbath-looking thing filled with water. I saw that my face was a mess. It was covered with dirt and blood. Taking off my gloves, I scooped a handful of water and scrubbed it against my face. I repeated the ritual several times and allowed the water to settle. I was content that my face was as clean as it could get without soap. I walked back to the group, glanced at Liz, and was satisfied after a thumbs-up. I sat back down on the grass next to Liz and studied everyone as they began to fall asleep. As my eyes fell onto the sleeping elf, I cringed. "He looks like he's dead," I whispered to Liz. "He does not! He looks sooo cute!" she responded cheerily. "I dare you to walk over and poke his eye," I urged. "I'd never do that," she said defensively. I wasn't about to do it either. He wasn't the happiest guy even with his eyeball intact. "Fine," I replied, growing bored once more.  
I grew sleepy, and felt my eyes slowly drift closed. 

~"Here you go, dude. A nice, new, bird-like thingy for you. It's been past down to everyone daughter in my family, and now it goes to you. Hope you like," a musical voice chimed through the forest. I walked forward, unsure of what was happening. "Here you go, Rohan dude and little hobbit freaks of which I will not bestow fireworks. Some shiny belts to keep those pants up, you little gang-banger hoodlums," a beautiful, glowing woman said, handing the three gold and silver belts. "Ah, yes. For you, Samwise Gangrene {purposefully misspelled}, I give you a box of dirt. The Holy Worms of the Valar have chewed it, therefore granting it amazing fertility. And, since I'm such an egomaniac, I've engraved my initial on the box. Enjoy," she recited, reaching behind her a taking out a container from nowhere. "I grant you a bow. What else could you ask for?" she asked, reaching once again into nothingness and pulling out a bow and quiver, handing it to the eager elf. 

"Golly Gee! What I always wanted!" everyone who had gotten their gifts so far chanted in unison. "What would you like, son of Groin {once again, purposefully misspelled}?" the woman asked. "Nothing," the dwarf whispered. "That is, nothing but a lock of my darlings hair. No soil as rich as all of the kings could be so beautiful," he called, pointing to me. "Huh?" I asked stupidly, though I knew what was happening. I tried to protest, but only "Huh?"s came from my lips. Someone suddenly grabbed my hair and yanked it back. I screamed, but the hand let go, only with a handful of hair. "Glorfindel? What the hell you doing with my hair?!" I screeched, grabbing for the retreating body. My hand went straight through him. I blinked, stumbling away. He gave the dwarf his hair and smiled like a clam. The Elven Lady turned to me and asked, "What would you like?" 

"I'd like my hair back!!" I screeched. She blinked and suddenly ate her hand. My hair miraculously grew back, and she waved her stump that used to be a hand at Legolas. Liz suddenly popped out from behind the elf and ran up to Galadriel, grinning like a clam as well. "What would you like?" 

"Marriage to Legolas!!" she sighed and yelled at the same time. Legolas then sprout eagle wings and soared high above the group. "MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! YOU SHALL NEVER CATCH ME!!" he shrieked. He suddenly pulled out a bazooka from his hair and blasted everyone to bits. Fire exploded into my vision and everything went black.~ 

  
  
I woke up to someone poking my shoulder. "What's wrong?" I asked groggily. "Come on, it's already seven in the morning!" Liz replied, pulling at my hair. "Stop it! Seven is sleep time," I cried, slapping her hands away. She continued to pull my hair until I got up. Brushing off the dirt from my butt, I stretched and walked over to the bird bath-thingy to wake myself fully. I dried my face and walked around to stretch my legs. I saw the dwarf snarling and the elf, who was standing several feet away. He didn't look too happy either. Weren't they supposed to be getting along and, eventually, become lifelong friends? This just makes things much more difficult. 

  
"Listen, you go over there and apologize to the dude over there for whatever went wrong," I ordered Gimli. "A dwarf will never apologize to an ELF!! However, if you would, say, give me a kiss, I will," he replied slyly. "I'll blow you a kiss." The dwarf considered that deal for several moments. "Good enough!" he reasoned. I blew him his kiss and he walked over the elf who had most likely had been listening to the conversation. I grew happy when the two actually found that they both liked women. No brainier there. Anyways, I walked back to the hobbits who seemed to be eating something like bread. Liz was eating among them and the five of them looked like little nibbling chipmunks. I sat down between Liz and Pippin and asked for some.  
I found that the foodstuff was quite delicious.

"What is this stuff?" I asked with a mouthful of it. Liz had just stuffed about three into her mouth and now was trying to answer my question. "Ifst shmam," she mumbled. I raised an eyebrow as she began swallowing the huge bite to restate her reply. "It's cram. Gimli found some in his pack. It's good!" Merry replied quickly before stuffing more of the food into his mouth. I looked at Liz and began choking on too big and hurried a bite. I looked back over to Liz, who was once again stuffing her mouth. "How many of these things did you eat?" I asked with incredulousness in my voice. She stopped her mad chewing to count on her fingers. When she got to about fifteen, she shrugged an "I don't know" and continued chewing. I shook my head, wondering how she remained so thin after eating so much still perplexed me. I grew full and walked about some more, taking in the scenery. I looked over and saw that Gimli and Legolas weren't talking anymore. I whistled slightly and caught Gimli's attention. I blew him a reminder kiss and pointed to the elf leaning against a tree. He looked confused, but still turned. . .and blew a kiss at the elf. Legolas cast a scared glance and backed away slightly while I smacked a hand to my head. 

  
"You moron, talk to him. Talk!" I said when I reached Gimli. He face lit up with a renewed understanding, but quickly darkened after registering the task he must do. "That crazy elf knows nothing. It's like talking to a tree that only insults back," he growled. "And I'm sure you repay those insults," I added. "Only with good reason." 

  
"And what reason would that be?" 

  
"He's an elf." I just scowled and pointed to the elf like a mother would point to a dirty room that needs to be clean. Gimli stayed right where he was. "Give me another kiss. A real one," he said defiantly. I sighed. "Fine, but close your eyes. And only on the cheek," I said warily. He followed, a funny looking grin covering his face. I moved my hand into a sort of mouth shaped figure and pressed it against the grisly side of his face. I quickly recoiled and wiped the hand roughly against the side of my pants to get the grease off. The dwarf still had his eyes closed, but that grin turned into a beam. He suddenly opened his eyes and . . .sort of squealed a dwarfy squeal. He ran over to the elf and tried to converse once more. I walked away to find if Celeborn could once again do me a favor. 

* * * * * * * * 

"Live here!?!?" the Elven Lord screamed. "Yup. I'm tired of adventuring so I think it'd be nice if you gave me a house. A nice, tall tree house," I answered calmly. He fumed and ranted how he hated the fact that one other than an elf would live in Lorien. I just stood there, not really caring or showing emotion. When he was finished and was taking back the air he lost while yelling, I spoke up. "Listen, unless you get me a house here, I'll tell everyone about your little adultery." His face seemed to redden, but he suddenly realized something I was hoping to keep hidden. "I'll just deny the entire thing! It's your word against mine! HAHAHA!" he said, sounding almost like a madman. I sighed, knowing I was defeated, and walked away from the disturbed elf. 

* * * * * * * * 

**Saruman's POV **_{there really aren't many out there, huh}_**  
**"Hunt them down! Do not stop until they are found! You do not know pain! You do not know fear! You will taste man flesh!" I yelled, harvesting the fetid creatures' vigor. I turned the disgusting creature behind me. "One of the halflings carries something of great value. There are also two more humans, each carrying a pendant like the one I showed you. Bring them all to me alive and unspoiled. Kill the others." Lurtz roared and turned, heading out for his mission. I know they will not fail, for lest they do, they should not return.

_Hmm. . .not as funny as the last chapters. Sorry! *runs about looking for lost talent* Forgive me, please! Tell me how you like (or dislike. . .)_


	12. Drowning Dwarves

Disclaimer: Don't own a thing. By reading the past ten (I think I forgot to post one up for eleven), you should know that by now. If you don't then: see above 

Author's note: This is really weird. I decided to combine the book (what little parts I remember) with the movie. I decided to quote the Boromir death scene movie thingy because I felt like it. Please don't tell me I suck just because I'm going through a phase. I also thought that it would make the fic move more smoothly. N@talia did some of the lines, so blame HER if you don't like it! 

I already know about half of the Two Towers (I got to the part where Treebeard was carrying Merry and Pippin around and some Ents was singing or something. I skipped that part because it was too boring, randomly selected a part from the middle of the book and found one of the conversations between Théoden and Grima, but THAT was too boring so I quit that and started watching the crazy hobo guy smoking _while_ laying down at the corner of my street. It was really funny when the cops came to take him away. I think he was drunk or something. . . 

  
**Jen's POV **

**  
**"There you are! They were ready to leave you behind!" Liz exclaimed, grabbing my arm and pulling me to the water's edge. "Too bad you missed it," she said. "Look what I got!" She pulled out a piece of hair. "What is it?" I asked. "It's some of Legolas' hair!" she answered happily. "Sure he caused a bit of a scene, but Galadriel _did_ ask what I wanted," she explained, stroking the strands of hair. She finally turned and got into one of the boats, sitting next to Legolas and snuggling up close to him as his face grew more and more livid. I didn't move, rethinking my actions and consequences. "What wrong?" Liz asked. "What wrong?! I almost got killed is what's wrong!" I said while motioning to my bandaged arm. "Don't worry. Nothing's gonna happen!" she said reassuringly. "No way, Liz. I'm happy staying alive," I responded. 

  
"Listen, nothing's gonna happen! We just keep away from orcs now," came her not so calming echo. "How can we keep away from orcs when the whole plan is to go to a land riddled the little freaks!?" I shouted, losing patience. I was ready to turn back and leave the small dock when it dawned on me that Liz was the only friend I had in this crazy place. 'You could always make new ones,' I told myself, but I couldn't bring to go. I was sure most of the Fellowship didn't want Liz and I on their little quest. And how was I supposed to make a living? 'Jeez, dieing quickly and painfully was better than slowly and miserably,' I thought, visualizing myself as a beggar.  
  
I reluctantly turned and surveyed the boats. Merry, Pippin, and Frodo were sitting in a bunch with Aragorn rowing. Legolas had Liz and Gimli while Boromir had only Sam. I chose the least crowded boat, sitting next to Sam, who suddenly began talking about how great it was to actually meet the renowned Galadriel and his little box of dirt {his little gift}. The dwarf suddenly got up from his position and jumped into Boromir's boat, nearly sinking both vessels. 

He landed in my lap, causing me to yelp in pain. Having two hundred pounds dropped on you isn't the most comforting thing. He turned and said in a soothed voice, "When does the love boat cast off?" I snapped. I grabbed him by the beard and yanked it over the side, causing him to fly overboard. I pressed my boot against his head, preventing any breathing. He struggled, but I never moved. Aragorn and Legolas finally dragged me off, giving the dwarf the chance to breathe. "No!! He was almost dead!" I screeched. So I sounded like a murderer, but I didn't care. The dwarf crawled himself onto the shore and collapsed, raising his hand to my direction. "I need the breath of life! Beloved! Save me!" he gasped, puckering his lips. 

I snarled in frustration and anger, shrugging off the grip of the two warriors behind me. I sat back in the boat and sat back down next to the wide-eyed hobbit. "Can I help you?" I asked. He shook his head and was silent for a few minutes. Gimli got up and got back into his boat. "I'm impressed, my love. You surely are the woman I wish to marry," he called. "I don't want to marry you!!!" I screamed, ignoring some of the snickers by a few Lorién elves. Sam began talking again and I tried my hardest to shut him up. The stupid hobbit didn't know how to take a hint. We cast off and I was soon regretting ever leaving Lorién as my ear was being talked off. I was beginning to wonder if I could actually swim all the way back to Lorién, or at least to the shore. I didn't want to be eaten by something, so I just sat back and tuned out Sam like I would tune out a teacher.  
  
'Nine hundred fifty one, nine hundred fifty two," I counted, listening for each stroke Aragorn made with the paddle. Luckily, Sam had at least shut his mouth. About five hours later, we stopped at the shore and rested for the remainder of the night. After a restless night with the dwarf's unbelievably loud snores blaring only a few feet away, we set off again to face another boring day of listening to paddling and having my legs fall asleep from inactivity. 

My heart jumped as the boat came unnervingly close to capsizing in the rapids. I yelped several times, only to have Sam yell louder. Liz seemed to be having a whale of a time snuggling Legolas (much to the protests of the elf), spraying water around, and laughing as if she were at a carnival. Aragorn, Boromir, and a waterlogged Legolas continued to row the boats throughout the day and the setting sun. Boromir thrust the paddle into my hands, but after nearly sinking both Legolas' and my own boats, quickly snatched it back. So what if I wasn't a master boatwoman? I shifted my toes in my boots, trying to gain feeling within then. Suddenly, everyone began crying out things like "Yrch!" and "Orcs" as arrows tore through the night air. 

**Liz's POV **

I unsheathed my daggers instinctively. My darlings {the daggers} could smell the blood of their enemies and called to me with pleas to satisfy their lust for death. "Now, now, we must be patient. It won't be long before we dance on their fallen bodies, but for now we must wait." I whispered, comforting my latest children. They were no comparison to my favorite child, my .367 Magnum waiting at home, but they were my children nonetheless. Legolas whispered something I couldn't hear and quickly maneuvered the boat to the shore, jumping out at the first chance. He said something else, but my attention was distracted. Something was swooping from the sky. Someone screamed to my right, but I paid no heed. I ducked, my daggers hovering over my head, protecting me. Another scream and a distant splash nearly got my attention, but I remained focused on foe before us. Legolas shot one of his arrows into the dark and the offender faded off. Now it was time to see what was going on. 

"Someone get this damned hobbit!" I heard Jen scream. I squinted in the dark, but couldn't make anything out. "What's going on?" I asked Legolas. "It seems as though your friend and Master Gamgee fell overboard," he answered, a small smile creeping his mouth. A male shout this time, and a larger splash. "And now it seems Boromir has, as well," the elf said walking towards the water. By this time, Aragorn had rooted his boat and waded out to help, Legolas following. Merry, Pippin, and Frodo were all worried for their hobbit companion and Gimli was fretting over the loss of his "beloved". More figures finally came from the darkness, Aragorn, Legolas, Jen, Boromir, and Sam all came from the water, each soaking wet. By the time a small fire had been brewed, half of the people were shivering terribly. 

"Take off these clothes!" I commanded Legolas, grabbing his tunic and pulling upwards. "Gah! What are you doing?!" he explained, ripping the cloth from my hands and scrambling away. I followed, this time grabbing his pants. "You'll catch a cold if you stay in these clothes, plus, they need to dry," I explained, though I seriously wanted to see him without clothes. "I agree," Gimli said, turning to Jen. She screamed as the dwarf grabbed her waist and pulled her towards him. He slapped him harder then I thought she even _could_ slap and hid behind Boromir, who was calmly watching the spectacle with amusement. Gimli sat there, stunned, then called out, "Never fear, my love, I understand you wish to wait for a more secluded area." Jen visibly shuddered and gripped her clothes as if they would fly off. 

Legolas was constantly trying to run away, screaming that Elves don't catch colds, so I finally sat down on his back and started pulling off his shoes. He continued to roll around, making everything harder, but I finally had at least his shoes and outer tunic off. He was cowering behind Aragorn, begging him to not allow me over there. "Tsk tsk tsk. Love can be so hard to deal with. Don't worry, hon. I'll always be here for you," I comforted. He only shrunk into a tighter ball and began whispering something in Elvish. Aragorn shook his head and whispered something back. They were probably planning my marriage to Legolas. He's such a sweetheart. "Exactly what happened out there?" Pippin dared to ask. 

"Well, Sam, here, began flailing wildly when the Winged. . .thing came from the sky and attacked. I fell in the water after he smacked me in the face with one of his hands and I suppose I grabbed him as I fell. Boromir tried to get Sam into the boat, but the entire thing capsized," she explained. It was obvious she knew what the thing was that attacked, but wouldn't tell us. "You still into that quantum thing? Even after we messed up half the plot?" I asked, mostly to myself. Most everyone around was confused. "Listen, we obviously made a mistake coming, but it's not like we could go back. Right now I only care about getting warm. You better shut your mouth before you mess up the other half," Jen snapped. "Shesh, don't have to get on my case," I whispered, poking at the fire with a stick before tossing the entire thing into the fire. 

The area that we stopped to camp wasn't what I would call "cozy". Some trees that fell from erosion by the river during the flooding season were rotting nearby. Several times a branch fell or a trunk shifted, causing everyone to jump and their hands to wander to their weapons. I drifted to sleep; wrapping the thick clock Galadriel had given each of us around me. Everyone woke up in the middle of the night, re-sheathing their weapons at Legolas' (he was on watch) coaxes that no enemy was upon us. "What happened," Merry asked sleepily, the shock and alarm drained out of him. 

"This damned dwarf started to fell me out!" Jen screamed angrily, clutching her shirt to her chest. The dwarf looked about innocently. "Did no such thing. I was sleeping until you woke us all up screaming. You must have been dreaming," he explained. "Yeah, right!" Jen yelled. "Quiet!" Legolas and Aragorn hissed, glancing about nervously. She huffed and turned, sitting down on a log. "I'll take watch, now," she said angrily. I'm no one wanted to object, so everyone sat or lay down, closing their eyes accept for Jen and Legolas. 

* * * * * * * * * * 

We set off again in the morning, though we switched places. Sam and Frodo was in Aragorn's boat, I was still with Legolas, though Jen and Pippin were with us now, causing us to be squished together almost uncomfortably, and Gimli and Merry were with Boromir. 

We started off earlier than the other nights, and it was barely light enough to see anything in front of our faces. I think I fell asleep for a little while because Legolas nudged me with his elbow. "Wake up, wake up," he called, his nudging harder. "What do you want?" I asked, thinking it was my mom. "I can't row as well. You are in the way of my arm," he answered. I got up from his chest and placed my chin in my propped up arms. For some reason, the compulsive need for him was dieing, since I could just walk over a touch him any time I wanted. He was real and available, giving me no competition. And what guy wouldn't want to go out with the insanely beautiful, talented, popular, and intelligent Elizabeth DeMeo? 

**Jen's POV **

Here I was, stuck with someone trying to get into someone's pant's (i.e. Liz) and someone trying to get away from the amorous little scamp (i.e. Legolas). There had been quite a "lover's brawl" this morning when Liz jumped into the same boat as Legolas again and Aragorn was the person who calmed everyone and allowed the Company to move on, much to the complaint of Legolas. I began rehearsing Mozart's "Eine Kleine Nachmusi" over and over 'til I was ready to hurl the music sheets for the song. It was at about mid-day when we _finally_ reached the Argonath. 

"My kin," Aragorn whispered to Frodo to the right and behind of me. "Quit yer bragging, bragger," I called out behind me. No one answered, but I could feel a scowl being thrown at the back of my head, most likely by the elf. It was another couple hours until we stopped to rest. Yet another one of the movie's great scenes. Everyone got out of their boats accept me. "Come on," urged Aragorn. 

  
"Let's go now," I whispered to Aragorn, taking away the elf's line. "No," he responded simply, not giving me any explanation. "Listen to me, orcs are going to come, kill Boromir, and take away the hobbits. Unless you want that to happen, we need to leave now," I said, my voice rising. He reconsidered, but then paid me no heed. "Good God, are you even listening? How else do you think I knew such things about you and Arwen? And about everything else? Liz and I know such things! Please, listen," I pleaded. He looked at me, his gaze piercing through my soul. I didn't know what effect it would have on the future, but it had to be better than what will happen. 

  
"Where's Frodo?" Merry asked from behind me, drawing the attention of Aragorn. I huffed and turned. "You think orcs can climb trees?" I asked Liz, eyeing one or the nearest and tallest trees. "Don't think so," she responded. I tried several times, also trying to ignore the searing pain trailing up my arm each time I tried to pull myself up. "Dwarf!" I called. Gimli jogged over. "You called, my sweet?" he asked in a disgustingly happy voice. "Give me a lift," I ordered. He did as told without complaint and I finally grabbed footing of the branched, though my arm ached terribly. As I was climbing the tree, I lost myself in a maze of leaves. I looked down and suddenly grew afraid of heights. I gripped the trunk of the tree and sighed. I loosened my grip and arranged myself into a more comfortable position. I only needed to wait until the arrogance of Aragorn would prove me right.  


  
** Liz's POV**  
  
I unsheathed my knives at Aragorn's warning. We each ran off, looking desperately for Frodo and, most importantly, the Ring. Orcs were suddenly everywhere and chaos spread. I slashed at one and sliced another. I ran about, waving my knives in the air, allowing them to go wherever they wished to find their target and have their sweet blood. I dodged a certain blow from the blade of a sword and hacked the foul and contorted face of the creature. 

  
Suddenly, a distant sound came from far to my right. "The horn of Gondor," Legolas informed. I sighed. Yup, still hot. Anyways, the elf, the dwarf, the man, and I began to run towards the source of the sound. We stopped, halted by another barrage of orcs. I slashed and a few, but continued running. I wasn't going to pass up a chance when I could be a hero. . .er. . .heroine. I jumped over several roots and dashed past at least a hundred trees before I finally found Boromir, who was hacking violently. I ran up, slicing at one of the orcs nearest to me. I continued to fight, cutting down any orcs that strayed too near. I turned and saw the two hobbits staring and gaping. "Fight, you dim-wits!" I screamed, and blocked a sword that came to a tad too close to comfort. They still stood there, looking on. 

I punched the disgusting face of an orc and felt the leathery skin slid and the bone of its jaw crack. Yummy. I turned and saw Boromir jerk back with an arrow embedded into his chest. I opened my mouth to scream, but no words came out. I closed my eyes, expecting the same. When it didn't come, I opened my eyes, but saw something incredibly terrifying. An orc was racing towards me, club raised in one arm. I breathed a rather nasty profanity and dodged the first blow, but the punch to my stomach caused me to double over. The damned orc took this to his advantage and brought the heavy club down on my head. Then all went black.  
  
  
** Jen's POV**  
  
"Oh God, oh God, oh God," I breathed, unsheathing my sword. Two orcs were after me; one trying its best to climb up the truck, and another hacking at the base of the tree. I clung to the tree for dear life with one arm, the other swinging the blade at the orc that was reaching for my ankles. I suddenly heard a load cracking sound and felt the tree move underneath me. I screamed the loudest I could have possibly screamed as the tree fell. I closed my eyes and thought, 'Fast and painful, here I come.'  
I groaned loudly, opening my eyes. I looked to my right, and saw a grisly sight. The orc that was grabbing at my feet was impaled on a thick branch beside me. I heard another cracking sound and saw the orc that had chopped down the tree was now chopping the branches that were in his way. It was heading straight toward me, and I began to get up and run then I realized my foot was pinned to the ground by one of the branches. I reached for my sword to cut the branch, but came out short when my sword was throw out of my hands as the tree fell. The orc had reached me by now and raised a mace in both hands. I closed my eyes and waited for the blow that was sure to come.  
When it didn't come, I opened my eyes only to have the head of an orcs hurled at me and land in my lap. I screamed again as I flailed to get the bleeding head off me. I slapped it away and saw a hand that was held out to me. A gross, dirt-encrusted hand. I looked up into the face of my savior and, sure enough, it was the dwarf. "Get up," a voice commanded in a hurried tone from behind the stout figure. I tried, but was reminded of the branch that prevented such actions. The dwarf realized this, and quickly raised his ax. Before I could protest, he brought it down and a crack echoed. I looked down reluctantly and saw that my leg was still attached to my body. (whew)  
I got up, grabbed my sword, and followed the elf and dwarf jog off into the woods. "They took the little ones. And the girl. Frodo. Where is Frodo?" breathed Boromir, quivering. "I let Frodo go," whispered Aragorn. "You did what I could not; I tried to take the Ring. And now I have paid." 

"The Ring is beyond our reach, now," Aragorn coaxed. "Forgive me. I could not see, and I have failed you all," Boromir gasped. "Nay. You fought bravely. You have kept you honor and the honor of our people," Aragorn cajoled {I learned that in English! Could you believe it? Learning something in _school!_ Of course, that was a long time ago, so things change}, reaching for the arrows that protruded from the Rohan warrior. "Leave it. It is over. Man will fail and darkness will over come. My city will ruin."

"I know not of the strength in my blood, but I swear to you I will not let the White City fall nor our people fail," Aragorn reassured the dying man. "Our people. Our people," Boromir gasped, reaching for his sword. The Rohan man clutched it to his chest as if it were his very life. "I would have followed you, my brother. My captain. My king." Aragorn whispered something I could not hear from where I was standing, but I had seen the movie so many times, I knew what it was he was saying. I sort of felt sorry that I had laughed so many times when this guy was real. Well, mostly real. Heck, I don't even know what is real now. Anyways, Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli fell into the discussion how to rest the body of Boromir. 'Wait,' my mind called, 'where's the noise?' 

  
"Liz? Liz! LIZ!! Your mom's going to be really pissed if you're dead!!" I screamed, my voice cracking slightly at the last word. I wandered around, and the remainder of the Fellowship saw my urgency. "I found her weapons," the elf called, twirling the knives a bit, a small smile creeping at the corners of his mouth. I scowled, "And you would be happy . . WHY?!?" He handed me the weapons, stalking off in a huff. 

No body to go with these weapons. That either means she was carried away, dead, to be eaten by the orcs later; she was carried away, alive, to be eaten later; or she was carried away, alive, to be used as their own personal toy. I shuddered at the thought, but tried to regain my senses. It wouldn't do any good to be reckless and senseless.  
We quickly stuffed Boromir into a boat and sent him down the river. If he wasn't really dead, he soon will be. I half ignored the rest of the crew, and danced about in anxiety as if I were a toddler needing to pee. 'Come on, come on!' my mind screamed at the talking idlers.  
"Let's hunt some orc." Now those were the words I wanted to hear.

~* *~* *~* *~* *~* *~* *~* *~* *~* *~* *~* *~

_Did ya like? I wouldn't blame you if you didn't. . ._


End file.
